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The ability to laugh, even when you're in disagreement, can be the key to a life-long rewarding relationship.
By Pamela Aloia — Written on Apr 19, 2023
Growing up in an Italian family, there were plenty of solid personalities to contend with, which often led to loud arguments, especially at family get-togethers. My grandparents were both strong personalities and would argue with each other over annoyances, miscommunications, how something should be done, and well, lots of things.
As a young child, I used to watch my grandparents' arguments with wonder, because no matter how loud or angry their disagreements became, inevitably my grandfather would say something completely unexpected, stopping my grandmother's midsentence with laughter.
The two would share a sweet smile, and either dismiss the argument or concede, and they’d then go about their day with additional warmth in their hearts.
I remember feeling the energy of the moment shift with one simple phrase and I loved that my grandfather was able to do that. Even at a young age, I understood they were vulnerable enough to laugh with each other when discussing serious topics and they were ok to disagree on things.
Laughter in a relationship can have hugely positive effects on a couple. Countless studies have shown that humor to a relationship helps the couple live happier and increases the length of the relationship, not to mention the quality of their bond.
The ability to laugh together gives way to compromise and negotiation and creates a deeper understanding and respect for each other.
If you’re someone who can laugh with your partner, you probably possess some of the following aspects that help keep the smiles going regardless of what challenges life throws your way.
Here are five traits of those of you who create relationships full of laughter
1. You maintain a practical view of yourself and the world around you
If you’re able to take yourself and the world around you a bit less seriously than others, you increase your chances of seeing your relationship in a playful way. You’re still able to point out some of the ridiculousness that may accompany the relationship and are able to laugh at yourself, but at the core, you accept who you and your partner are, individually and as a couple. You understand the world has a way of throwing you some doozies.
If you hold the world to certain standards, yet on some level expect those standards to not be met all the time, then you’re more apt to evaluate a situation and respond with humor, even when no one is looking.
2. You have a toolkit for dealing with stress
Although a situation may be tremendously daunting, in times of stress, you and your partner are able to see a silver lining, temporarily distract yourself, or lighten the mental and emotional load. You understand that everyone needs to let off some steam once in a while and that there are varied ways of doing that.
You likely make sure you and your partner have separate time and leeway to deal with the stress and know enough to find ways to be able to laugh and joke even when a challenge may be at the forefront. You make sure you do things like exercise, talk it out, meditate, sleep later, watch a movie, or whatever is needed to deal with what’s going on. You keep living life and add in some needed distractions along the way. You also realize that in doing this you open your heart and mind to see the funny aspects of the situation and pepper laughter throughout.
3. You can empathize
If you’re part of a couple that can laugh in the midst of stress to help endure tense situations, then you’re usually able to put yourself in another person’s shoes. In understanding yourself and your partner, you know that life can be challenging, and you find compassion in situations.
In being empathetic, you also are likely to see multiple sides of a situation that then highlights differing views and how people may have arrived at their perspectives. You can see the humor in the varied perspectives, which sets you up to be more objective and therefore, more prone to laugh at the human condition.
4. You have a confident mindset
Being able to find laughter in a rough situation despite what’s going on in your life often means that you’re confident that you’ll get through whatever is going on. Not only are you able to deal with stress in different ways, but stress doesn’t stress you out as much as other couples perhaps, because you know together you can weather almost any storm.
Even if one person is light-hearted when the other may not be, the overall ability to support each other through stress helps keep the witty thoughts coming.
5. You generally like your life
If you are one to find laughter often, generally you like where you are in life. On some level, you know how far you’ve come, and you’re excited for what’s next. You know that life has more great things to shower you with and you’re eager and open to the goodness that awaits you.
Because you like where you are, you bring yourself wholly into the present and experience a moment to its fullest. You have goals and aspirations that flow to you because you relax at the moment, opening your heart to what the universe has to offer.
Victor Borge, the Danish-American comedian, conductor, and pianist noted, “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.”
How so very true. Laughing creates feel-good hormones, helps you relax, and in turn, helps other people relax around you. Laughter is contagious, decreases defensive feelings and de-escalates stress and anger. Laughter also helps you solve problems as a couple, opens your creativity channels and is an all-around natural healer, communicator, soother, and lover.
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Pamela Aloia is a certified grief coach, intuitive/medium, and author supporting people through change and enhancing their lives and experiences via energy awareness, meditation, and mindfulness.