I've Worked With Couples For 10 Years: Do These Things For Love That Lasts A Lifetime

What I know works to keep couples happy and in love.

By Sidhharrth S Kumaar — Written on Jan 19, 2023

Photo: Davide Angelini / shutterstock

Every committed love relationship has its ups and downs

Having a successful relationship requires effort, dedication, and the ability to grow and develop alongside one another.

There are, however, things you can do to cultivate a healthy relationship — whether you're just starting out or have been together for a long time.

From my ten years of experience counseling couples, those who pledge to make it work discover strategies to remain connected, find contentment, and enjoy enduring happiness with the ten strategies below.

This is possible even if you've had a number of unsuccessful relationships in the past or if you've battled to reignite the embers of romance in your present relationship.

Here are five ways couples can work to strengthen their love, to last a lifetime:

1. Make time for one another in person.

The simple act of gazing into each other's eyes and listening to one another is enough to cause a heart to melt. It's possible to keep the feeling of falling in love alive for the long haul by maintaining your attentiveness to your partner. The time you spent together as a couple in the early stages of your relationship is likely to be one of your most treasured recollections.

At the start of the relationship, you probably spent a lot of time simply talking to one another or coming up with new and interesting things to try since everything was so novel and fascinating.

However, as time passes, it might become more difficult to prioritize time alone due to jobs, family, and life's many other responsibilities.

In many relationships, the intimate, in-person exchanges during the early stages of dating give way to the more impersonal modes of communication established later on. While email and instant messaging are convenient, they can't replace in-person interaction and the stimulation provided to the brain and neurological system.

There is no substitute for face-to-face communication when it comes to conveying the emotional signals need to feel appreciated, so make an effort to spend time together despite your hectic schedules.

Do your best to schedule frequent quality time together. No matter how hectic your schedule is, make time every day to disconnect from technology, clear your mind, and reconnect with your significant other.

Find common ground via activities you both like, such as a sport, dancing class, regular stroll, or even just morning coffee.

2. Maintain your relationship via constant communication.

In order to maintain a strong bond, it's crucial to talk things out. You can trust your mate and feel at ease when your emotional connection is strong.

Relationship problems arise when individuals cease communicating effectively, which is especially noticeable during times of transition or stress. As long as you keep the communication lines open to each other, you can figure out how to solve your difficulties.

Don't assume your spouse knows what you're going through; instead, be direct about your wants and needs. Putting your needs out there might be difficult at times. One reason is that most of us don't give enough thought to what we value most in a romantic partner.

Despite the fact that you may be well aware of your own requirements, expressing them may leave you feeling exposed, humiliated, or embarrassed. The key is to consider the situation from your partner's perspective. It's a joy, not a chore, to help a loved one feel better by showing compassion and empathy.

Because of your familiarity with one another, you may believe that your partner knows exactly what you're going through and what you need.

One thing to keep in mind is that your spouse is not a mind reader. Even if your spouse suspects what you need, it is better for both of you if you state it clearly.

Even though your significant other has heightened senses, they may not be able to pinpoint what it is you really need. Furthermore, individuals evolve through time, so your requirements and preferences from, say, five years ago may have changed significantly. Instead of harboring resentment, confusion, or rage when your spouse consistently fails to meet your needs, make it a practice of communicating those needs clearly and directly.

3. Maintain a physical connection.

Humans rely heavily on touch in many aspects of their lives. Regular, emotional touch is essential for newborns' brain development, according to studies. The advantages are not limited to young people.

The hormone oxytocin, which affects our ability to connect with others, is increased in response to positive social interactions.

It's important to maintain physical closeness in a relationship, and although sex is frequently central to that, it shouldn't be the only way. Regular displays of physical love such as holding hands, embracing, and kissing are also crucial.

It goes without saying that you should take your partner's preferences into account. The last thing you want is for the other person to tighten up and withdraw because of your unwanted contact or improper advances. To a large extent, this depends on how successfully you and your spouse are able to express your wants and requirements to one another.

Date nights or even just an hour at the end of the day to sit, speak, and hold hands may help maintain physical closeness when life becomes hectic due to a job or small children.

4. Maintain the balance between giving and receiving in your relationships.

Expecting to always get your way in a relationship is a certain recipe for heartbreak. Relationships that don't compromise tend to fail. Though, effort from both sides is required to ensure fair trade. Find out what your spouse values most and work toward those goals

Understanding your partner's priorities may pave the road to mutual respect and a willingness to compromise. It is equally as crucial for you to be able to express what you want and be understood by your spouse. Feelings of bitterness and wrath will grow if you consistently put the needs of others before your own.

5. Expect both good and bad times.

Recognize that every relationship has its ups and downs. There will be times when you disagree. Sometimes one spouse is dealing with a stressful circumstance, such as the loss of a loved one. The loss of a job or a serious illness may also have a negative impact on a couple's ability to communicate and connect with one another. It's possible that your views on certain things like money management and kid-rearing are different — stay the course.