Connecting with a 'physical touch' woman isn't complicated, but it's more than most guys expect.
By Mitzi Bockmann — Written on Apr 06, 2023
So, you have recently discovered that your wife or girlfriends’ love language is physical touch. What are you going to do next?
Author Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages, is a good place to start. The basic premise around love languages is that everyone has a language that makes them feel loved. When we learn how to speak our partner's love language, we make them feel like they are loved and they are happy.
The five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gift-giving and physical touch. While all of these love languages should be very straightforward, they are not.
And the most misunderstood love language is, I believe, physical touch.
Be honest — when you learned that your girlfriends’ love language was physical touch, did you think to yourself “Yay! That means lots of sex”? For many men it does.
But, physical touch is more than just that. It’s about feeling loved through touch and physical closeness, with displays of affection in person and in private.
It’s about releasing the feel-good chemical, oxytocin, in your partner which makes them feel loved and eager to love you back.
So what else can you do to love and bond in ways she wants to be loved?
20 ways to show love & bond when romantic partner's love language is physical touch
1. Hold her hand
I am guessing that this one is pretty obvious. But, be honest – do you do it enough? Do it regularly. It’s the easiest and most accessible way to make your girlfriend feel loved.
2. Rub her back or feet
My love language is not physical touch but if there is one thing that my boyfriend does that makes me feel loved is he rubs my feet or back. That he is willing to extend energy to make me feel good, even after a long day, helps me really feel the love that he has to give.
3. Hug her
Another pretty obvious one. Wrapping your arms around your girl makes her feel loved and safe. Try the 10-second hug for creating an even deeper connection. Research shows that a 10-second hug helps reduce stress and increase oxytocin, that feel-good chemical.
4. Pat her butt
As you walk by your girlfriend, reach out and pat her butt. Make her know that you see her butt and love it. She will love it and you!
5. Get physical in the kitchen
I know that most of the time, when I am doing the dishes or making dinner, I love it when my boyfriend comes up behind me and presses himself against me, arms around me. The full-body contact feels good! (Note: Gauge the activity in the kitchen before you do this one — sometimes it’s just not the right time.)
6. Spoon her
Again, the full body touch. At bedtime, even if it’s just for a minute, wrap yourself around your girlfriend. Send her off to sleep knowing that you love her.
7. Get closer
When you are watching TV or sitting on the couch talking to friends, move closer. You don’t have to be touching but the proximity will make your girlfriend feel good!
8. Slow dance
This is a super romantic one — the stuff of rom-coms. Put on some romantic music and pull her close into a slow dance. You don’t even need music — it’s the closeness that counts.
9. Kiss her
Another important one but one that people often take for granted. A random kiss during the day can release oxytocin in a big way.
10. Tickle her
This one is not for everyone (especially me) but tickling your partner is a fun and funny way to make them feel loved.
11. Lightly touch her
As you sit next to your partner in the car, reach out and touch her neck or her arm. Graze her hand lightly when they pass you a glass of water. It’s the little things that can make a big difference.
12. Kiss her as you walk out the door
If the last thing that she remembers before she doesn't see you all day is this kiss that will keep her feeling loved until you see her again.
13. Make out with her
I know — it seems like this one would lead to sex but it doesn’t have to. Get in touch with your teenage self and just make out for the heck of it.
14. Touch her in public
I know that PDA isn’t for everyone but, if your girlfriend likes it, do it often. Touching her in public makes her feel like you are declaring to the world your love for her and that makes her feel great!
15. Kiss her on the forehead
This little gesture will make your girlfriend grin. Try it out and see.
16. Play with her hair
Having someone play with their hair is an incredibly soothing thing. Sara Williams, a clinical psychologist, says that "specialized sensory neurons are located at the base of the spine" that when touched, produce that feel-good chemical, oxytocin.
17. Lay a soft blanket on her
I know it might seem counterintuitive but, even if you don’t touch them, you can make them feel loved by laying a soft blanket on them while they are on the couch or in bed. This can make them feel safe and cared for, something all women want to feel.
18. Wrestle
This is a fun one. My husband and I used to do this a lot. We would wrestle on the floor, pinning each other playfully. Sometimes he even let me win, which made me feel strong and special, even if he was faking.
19. Take a bath together
We all have to get clean right? And your girlfriend probably likes to take a bath, so why not take your clothes off and climb in? That would be super fun for both of you!
20. Play footsie
I had a boyfriend who loved to play footsie under the table. I found it very special because it was like our little secret. No one else knew it was happening but I felt it!
Remember these examples of physical touch aren’t for everybody. Pay attention to your girlfriend’s reaction when you try these things. If you are unsure ahead of time if she will like them, ask her permission to do what you want to do.
The goal is to make your girlfriend feel loved, not uncomfortable.
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate who works exclusively with women to help them be all they want to be in this crazy world in which we live.
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