Photo: Jacob Lund / Shutterstock
Elements of surprise keep a relationship from growing old and boring. It's science!
By YourTango — Written on Feb 19, 2022
We're shining the spotlight on surprises—and their role in a fulfilling love relationship.
The rush induced by surprises is one of the most overlooked and underrated ways to keep a relationship red hot. In fact, YourTango Expert and revered psychologist, love guru, and bestselling author Esther Perel speaks adamantly about this theory in this video she recently shared with YourTango.
As Perel explains, it's not the specific action you take, but rather the idea of introducing something new and unexpected that infuses your relationship with the passion, radiance, and anticipation it craves.
In short: When two people get used to each other—as they tend to do—relationships can get boring. In fact, new, surprising experiences—be it an unexpected laugh or an unexpected vacation—have been scientifically proven to trigger the same feelings we experience when we're falling in love.
Here are 30 fun, free-spirited ways to introduce surprise into your relationship now—and keep the adrenaline rushing for past the first date:
1. Hit the road—without a destination in mind.
What's more romantic than hitting the open road on a carefree voyage to lord-knows-where? It's anyone's guess which inn or b&b you two will be spending the night in, and there's something uber-romantic about that kind of caution-to-the-wind adventure.
2. Stage a hilarious, good-natured prank.
We've been so inspired by the ingenious viral pranks of late (see Devil Baby and The Walking Dead Zombie Prank) that we're starting to think this might be one of the coolest ways to surprise your significant other—with a carefully orchestrated jump scare that will have him in stitches (from laughter, of course!). And hey — don't forget to film it for YouTube or TikTok!
3. Hire a babysitter on the sly.
Finding someone to care for your kids for an entire evening takes planning—but if you do it secretly, then that adults-only evening will be a thrilling surprise for your boo. Imagine expecting to come home to that happy chaos you've grown accustomed to and instead, finding your partner decked out in a teddy and bathed in the glow of candlelight? Enough said.
4. Go commando.
Remember those naughty little surprises you used to enjoy when you first started dating? Keep doing them. Like "forgetting" to wear your unmentionables, then mentioning it at dinner. Ladies, few guys will say this is a surprise they don't enjoy.
5. Get tickets to see his favorite sport.
He loses himself in the game; You lose your mind. Fair. But just this once, take one for the team. Ask him, "Are you watching football on TV again this Sunday?" And when he shamelessly nods in the affirmative, shake your head and say, "No you're not because we're going to watch it together—in person." It's a kind act—and an investment in good surprise karma.
6. Throw a surprise party—for two.
Nothing against surprise parties with your friends, family, and coworkers. Those are great. But something about coming home to a house full of streamers, balloons, and your partner in a party hat shouting "surprise!" and popping open a bottle of champers is awesome in an adorably ridiculous way.
7. Scrawl your love on the bathroom mirror.
The next time you take a shower, write a sweet missive in the condensation on the mirror. You won't be able to read it once the steam clears—but it'll reemerge when he takes his shower. Aww, you're such a romantic...
8. Hide a funny note in her wallet.
If your partner is anticipating having a difficult or stressful day, jot down an inside joke that always makes you two lose it, and put it in her wallet—you know she has to check that during the day. Make her laugh when she least expects it, and you'll be bonding while you're not even together.
9. Request a day off—for your significant other.
Get your partner's boss on the horn and arrange for a "secret" vacation day for both of you. That morning, wake her up with a, "Don't you wish we didn't have to go to work today? Well, guess what? We don't!" It's the adult version of a snow day.
10. Dig your partner's car out of the snow.
Speaking of snow days, there was a blizzard last night and, of course, your partner's car was buried. He's dreading the morning dig. Wake up early and do it for him this time. Just don't tell him; Let him find out for himself as he crabbily drags his shovel out the front door. Then take a picture of the look on his face when he walks back in!
11. Pick up the tab at girls' or guys' night out.
Not cool: showing up at girls' or guys' night out. Totally cool: calling the restaurant (or bar, at your own risk) in advance and picking up the tab, if that's something you can afford to do.
12. The old wake-him-up-with-a-BJ move.
But let's be honest: Guys aren't the only ones who enjoy being awoken in this particular style. Just sayin'.
13. Send a love note in the mail (the regular mail).
Remember mailboxes? Toss a very sweet, handwritten love letter to your beloved in one, and she'll have a very sweet surprise to discover when all she's expecting are (more) bills.
14. Restore something that's precious to your partner.
Does he cherish an old, tattered picture of his great grandparents? Have it digitally restored and framed—just because. A worn-out pair of boots that belonged to a beloved family member? Have them resoled and shined up. It's a surprise that will hit him right in the heart.
15. Fix that annoying thing around the house that's broken.
She'll never curse that drawer that fell off its track or that tricky lock again, and the surprise and relief on her face when she realizes it's back to normal will be priceless. Some gifts don't come in a box.
16. Striptease via Skype.
You heard us. He may be on a work trip, but all work makes Jack a dull boy.
17. Change the desktop wallpaper on your shared computer.
Take a hilarious, goofy selfie and upload it as your shared desktop wallpaper—right before she sits down to finish a major project for work.
18. Jump in the shower.
What if, on a random Monday morning, you interrupted his regular scheduled morning routine by dropping trou and hopping in the shower with him? Hey, mama needs to get clean too. And he may need another cold shower while he replays that surprise in his mind all day.
Break out the iPod and kick off your shoes for a spontaneous night of fancy footwork. Don't plan it; just do it. Few things are more fun and cost absolutely nothing.
20. Take a massage class.
Then surprise your partner with an anatomically correct massage, as opposed to your usual, well-intentioned yet random rubdown. He'll be able to tell the difference...and he'll wonder what the hell is going on quite frankly.
21. Plan a pop-up picnic.
Tell her to meet you in the park. She'll expect a stroll, but what she'll get will her swoon. Seriously: picnics rock.
22. Pick him up in a limo.
"Oops, the car's in the shop. Guess we're celebrities tonight!"
23. Turn her into a meme.
Sad Keanu? Try goofy [insert her name here]. Imagine how funny it would be to create an entire Tumblr of one of your girlfriend's funniest candid portraits Photoshopped into the most random of scenarios. This is romance in the digital age, people!
24. Have your friends plan a date night for you.
Tired of wondering, "What should we do tonight?" Give your best friends a budget and have them plan a date night for you. You'd better be game for anything because neither of you will be in on it!
25. Hire a songwriter to write a song about your love.
If you're a musician, this one's expected. But if you're not? An amazingly romantic surprise. Most people go through an entire lifetime never having a love song written about them. But your partner isn't most people.
26. Send a list of memories.
You probably remember things about your relationship — a funny thing he said, the outfit she wore on your first date, a gesture you thought was so selfless and kind—that your partner doesn't. So surprise your S.O. with a list of these random memories that are floating in your head. Easy for you; a super special surprise for your other.
27. Book a hotel room in your hometown.
You don't have to go on vacation to have hotel sex. (Yes, we took it there.)
28. Fill your partner's iPod with new tunes.
She'll be scrolling through, thinking, "huh?" until she realizes it wasn't the iTunes fairy who made her commute unexpectedly awesome this morning.
29. Take him to a reading by his favorite author.
Concert tickets are a sweet surprise, but even more unexpected is a trip to watch his favorite author—or the author of that new book he's raving about—in person, giving a public reading. Especially if he had no idea that the author was in town.
30. Dirty talk in bed.
If you've never done it, do it. Spring it on your partner. It'll be a surprise he or she will not soon forget. (Need help? Here's how to do it.)
More for You:
YourTango is a purpose-driven publisher focused on love, relationships, emotional wellness, and self-empowerment. Follow us on Twitter.