Photo: Jacob Lund | Shutterstock
Don't let parental love cloud your judgement.
By Aria Gmitter — Last updated on Feb 08, 2023
Parenting feels like a series of pushes and pulls.
As children grow and look for ways to become more independent, they push boundaries.
As teenagers try to discover their own voice and place in the world, every rule becomes a challenge!
A teenager is no longer a child, but a pre-adult who will one day be out of your home.
You want them to experience independence, but you'll also do anything to make sure they are safe, secure, and loved.
Because raising teens can be such a challenge, we asked our YourTango Experts to share the most underused parenting advice they wished you'd stop ignoring when raising teens.
Here are six pieces of advice about parenting teenagers that experts wish you wouldn't ignore:
1. Don't always protect your child from failure
I said it before, and I'll say it again. Let your kids fail.
Failure is a natural part of life. Our kids will only learn to be independent adults if parents allow them to make their own decisions.
This way they learn from their mistakes and own their own successes.
If we're always designing and planning their fourth-grade science projects, defending them (and excusing their behavior) to their teachers and principals weekly, and demanding they play the sports we love and apply to the college of our choice, they won't get a chance to become the beautiful people they're intended to be.
By giving them choices, we empower them for a brilliant future that they'll own and love.
- Kathy Ramsperger, intuitive life coach, best-selling author
2. Lead by example
The most important thing you can do for your children is to be an example.
They will not always listen to what you tell them, but they will watch everything you do.
Whether you want your children to learn to act with kindness, gain a strong work ethic, find happy relationships, eat a healthy diet or simply live with a positive attitude, the best thing you can do is live that life yourself.
Take care of yourself and make yourself happy and you will set a good example.
- Tara Nolan, life coach, yoga instructor
3. Look for opportunities to grow with your child
Here's my advice for parents of teens: Upgrade your parenting.
Redefine it, evolve it. Expand it. Redefine your role from that of the manager of a child to the leader of a teen.
Evolve your inner game: Develop, grow, and step into who you need to be during this phase to get the experiences and relationships you want.
Expand your out game: Learn and develop new tools, strategies, and techniques that align with what works with a teen.
- Kimberly White, parenting coach
4. Never be afraid to do a self-check when things seem out of control
Our children's behavior is never the problem. Rather, it's the way that we are being with their behavior.
When we realize that our children's behavior is just a reflection of what is going on inside of us, we get to take our attention off of them and tune into what judgments and emotions are making us reactive.
By allowing ourselves space to work through our thoughts and feelings, we become more available to learn about our child's experience.
Curiosity about ourselves creates a connection with our kids.
Michelle Thompson, life coach
RELATED: Experts Reveal The Most Common Childhood Complaint They Hear In Therapy
5. Have fun as a family
Play with your kids. You’ve heard about getting down on the floor to play with your kids, but it’s equally as important to play with your 10-year-old, 13- and 15-year-old.
The time you put into learning about, and encouraging, your kids' interests while having fun can result in their ability, years later, to find the career path of their dreams.
The interests we develop during childhood and our teen years directly impact our career choice and satisfaction.
Pay attention to what they enjoy. Find ways to explore other avenues for them to learn more about these interests, and how they can express these interests in real life.
That way, when it comes time to go to work, it will also feel as motivating and stimulating as play.
Daisy Swan, career and life coach
6. Don't bend the rules when things get tough
Be consistent with rules and use natural consequences when rules are broken. Rules provide guidance on becoming a productive adult. They also provide a sense of security.
Tamara Mason, counselor, therapist
More for You:
Aria Gmitter, M.S, M.F.A., is YourTango's Senior Editor of Horoscopes and Spirituality. She studies with the Midwestern School of Astrology and is a member of the South Florida Astrological Association.