Every Girl's 7-Step Guide To Masturbating (& Why Self-Pleasure Massages Can Improve Your Life)

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Reconnect with yourself.

I am a 50-something single woman, professional homeopath, and advocate of women’s health. I support being "in" your body. Not only “being” in it, but enjoying being in it. Our bodies have so much to teach us, if we’d only listen.

That's why learning how to masturbate and create self-pleasure through personal massage is a skill every woman needs to know.

Several years ago, I was inspired to create a homeopathic lubricating gel for vaginal health, self-pleasure and sex, called Yoni Bliss. Yoni is Sanskrit for “vulva,” “source of life,” or “sacred space.” These definitions appeal to me.

More and more, I sink down into that second chakra, sacral energy. I feel grounded there. I can sense my inner knowing there. It feels to me as though that is my ultimate feminine connection. It is in the spirit of curiosity and reclamation that I offer you an opportunity and step-by-step instructions on how to give yourself a masturbating, yoni massage.


RELATED: 6 Easy Ways To Keep Your Vagina SUPREMELY Happy (And Healthy)


I know what you might be thinking: There is no way in heck I will ever do something like female masturbation! Or, who in the world has time to do something so decadent? It might even scare you.

Or maybe you are feeling a little of all of that, plus other inexplicable emotions surrounding the concept of self-pleasure.

I heard about yoni massages many years ago in the book, Wild Feminine: Finding Power, Spirit and Joy in the Root of the Female Body by Tami Kent. I was entranced. Since then there are many who talk about yoni massages, but so many of them require a partner. And for a beginner who wants to dip a toe, sometimes masturbating solo produces more satisfying results — or at least a little more ease.

But maybe you are wondering why you’d even want to go down this road of female masturbation and self-pleasure massage.

These are some of the benefits of a masturbating, self-care yoni massage:

  • Connect with your body: How often do we touch ourselves?
  • Connect with your higher sexual self: Just acknowledging that you do have a higher sexual self can do much to facilitate that.
  • Heal your relationship with your yoni: Have you neglected her, berated her, abused her in any way? Now is time to make reparations and give your yoni some LOVE!
  • Heal your womb: Pregnancies, births, endometriosis, cancer, unfinished creations. As women, our heart is in our womb, in ways we may never know. Paying attention to our bellies, to this whole yoni area can begin to make reparations.
  • Address and release past sexual trauma: This is a big one. With the #MeToo movement are becoming aware of it’s epidemic. Be easy here. Love yourself and be gentle with yourself.
  • Let go of past negative sexual associations: Even if there hasn’t been direct sexual trauma, you may still be carrying around negativity around your sexuality. Take this as an opportunity to let go and release. What’s old has no place in your yoni.
  • Improve blood flow: Massage brings blood flow to the area. Blood flow brings nutrients and potentially improved sensation.
  • Improve energy: Are you a little stagnant down there? It’s time to wake things up.
  • Improve sensation: Yes, please!
  • Connect to your creativity: This is your second chakra area. It’s all about creativity. Whether it’s making babies or creating in your kitchen, the boardroom, or the bedroom, it’s time to get juicy!
  • Receive a sense of coming home: Yoni means “abode” or “source.” It’s a place of replenishment. Connect with this sense of home and notice how you relax. You become more at ease, at peace, and even more allowing.

Is that enough of a list to convince you?


RELATED: 8 Big, Red-Alert Signs Your Vagina Is SERIOUSLY Unhealthy


If so, let me show you the way.

Here is your 7-step guide to giving yourself a self-care vaginal massage:

1. Set the mood by preparing your space.

Do this in whatever feels good to you. Do you need to turn up the heat to make the space warm? Would lighted candles set the mood for you?

Make a nest for yourself. Cushions and blankets on the bed to prop yourself in any way that’s comfortable for you would be good.

Do you have other items that you could bring into this ritual with you? You can make this a sacred time if you want. If that feels over the top, then prepare in a way that feels good to you. Bring oil that you like on your skin. Use a good water-based lubricant, like Yoni Bliss, or coconut oil for this time with yourself.

2. Prepare yourself physically, mentally and emotionally for self-discovery.

Take a hot bath or shower. Maybe follow it by a cold one. Be aware of your senses, and notice what comes up for you in this preparation.

Think about what your intentions are. What would you like to tap into, or learn about yourself? Be open to what may come up for you.

3. Meditate and breathe to create openness.

Take some time to get yourself settled in your nest. Close your eyes and breathe.

Spend some time noticing how the air comes into your lungs and leaves again. Intentionally slow down your breath and move your shoulder and hips around. Is there tension anywhere? Acknowledge that, and breathe into that.

4. Start exploring slowly.

If you want to do your yoni massage naked, feeling the sensuousness of your skin, go ahead. If that feels too vulnerable, wear something that feels good on your skin, like a silk scarf or a yummy robe, that still gives you access to your yoni.

Start by acknowledging yourself for taking this journey. It’s not always easy to dedicate time and energy to something that you don’t have any idea what will come of it for you. You are brave! 

Begin to touch your skin. Massage your belly, your legs, your arms. Any place that feels good and helps you relax and be with your body benefits you. As you sink in more to yourself, move toward your perineum and massage around that area. Begin to include your vulva, your lips and your external vaginal opening.

5. Dive into your yoni massage more deeply.

When you are ready, enter the vaginal canal. Use one or two fingers and enter in about one inch. Now press all the way around, starting wherever it feels most comfortable. Just inch around to feel what might be there. Is there tension or tightness in a spot? Stay with it. Hold it there a moment and breathe in. This may be considered something like a trigger point massage.

Once you’ve gone all the way around, go a little deeper and go around again. Once you’ve done that, go a little deeper and go around again.

There is no right or wrong way to do this. Do what feels right for you. Maybe it feels less awkward to use your thumb. Try different hands.

Just remember to keep breathing. If there is pain, be with it. If tears, be with that. If numbness, again, just notice. Pay attention to the stories you are telling yourself about the process. Pay attention to other thoughts and feelings that come up.

You may go deep enough to feel your cervix. Every woman’s cervix is different and can also be closer or further away from the vaginal entry due to where you are in your cycle. Notice what you do about that.

6. Find your satisfaction.

When you are done exploring and being with the process, if something felt pleasurable and you want to explore that further, please do. If you want to give your clitoris more attention, don’t stop.

But also, if what you’ve done is enough, honor that. You’ll know when you are complete.

7. Journal or reflect upon your experience.

If it feels right, and you want to, take some notes. Write yourself a love letter. Thank yourself for your presence. If writing feels too much, just be with yourself. Put your hand on your heart. Inwardly bow to the goddess that is you!


RELATED: Yes, There’s A ‘Right Way’ To Clean Your Vagina


This is a practice for you. Don't do it for anyone else but yourself. Be selfish about it. Take as much as you can from it. 

It will benefit your life as a whole, but it may benefit your sex life, too!

Michele Brookhaus is the creator of Yoni Bliss, a homeopathic vaginal elixir, and a female wellness coach. She advocates loving your sensual body and giving your yoni some love.

This article was originally published at Yoni Bliss. Reprinted with permission from the author.

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