Cutting The Cords After Divorce


How to let go of your emotional attachment and move forward

When you go through a divorce the marriage is dissolved in the eyes of the law but there's no equally clear-cut separation where your heart is concerned.

You can remain psychically and emotional tied to your ex-husband and it has nothing to do with how he feels about you.

These "emotional cords" that connect you with him can get stronger through time if you refuse to let go and hang on to what might have been.

If you have obsessive thoughts about getting back with him or keep going over in your mind how he hurt you, you'll be bound together by cords you've created in your mind. It doesn't matter that you've burned his photos or thrown away everything that reminds you of him; if he is still dominating your thoughts you still tied to him.

It will be impossible to move on unless you change the KIND of attachment you have with him for good.

So how can you have an attachment with your ex that's not so dis-empowering to you and painful?

Here's a quick visualization that can help. Imagine that you are attached to your ex with colored cords. These cords can look like a rope or wire, whatever works for you.

1. Close your eyes and imagine him in your mind sitting with you.

2. Start to identify the cords that connect you to him. For example there may be a cord you identify as anger that connects you. Give the cord a color, for example red. Open your eyes and write it down.

3. Close your eyes again and identify another cord, perhaps it's a cord of love, give it color.

4. Continue writing down the cords and their colors until you have identified all the cords that connect you to him (other examples are resentment, shared history, understanding, etc)

5. When you feel complete, go back and go through them one at a time. Decide whether to cut the cord or leave it attached. If you chose to cut it, imagine a knife or scissor and sever it completely.

6. Consider the cords you cut no longer active in your mind; they are over. The cords you've chosen to keep now attach you to him in a new way…in a way that's to your choosing.

As you go through this process you will be reminded that despite how you're feeling now, there were good things that you shared in the past. Hopefully you'll keep the connections that feel good rather than the ones that hurt and fill you with negativity.

Cutting the cords is a powerful way for you to use visualization to help you let go by clearing out the cords that can hold you hostage to him, such as guilt, anger or jealousy.

These invisible cords are the key to your freedom. Cut the cords that keep you in a negative place of attachment, they only sap your confidence and strength. 

Acknowledge and appreciate the good that connects you, it will help to reinforce a positive connection that you have with your ex no matter what he's thinking. Then you can move forward from the present into the future without dragging your ex behind you.