As we’ve already discussed, for many men, sexual intimacy means only intercourse, or other forms of genital fulfillment. For these lusty guys, raw sex may become the barometer for the health of the relationship. Men, much more than women, love a genital focus and they’re crazy about women who provide it. Women on the other hand, seek more of a soulful experience in sexual love that relates to the heart as well as the genitals. Thus, a major dilemma for women becomes how to hold men to a higher standard of lovemaking that includes a “heart-on?”

The following heart-opening exercise offers men and women a chance to reconcile these seemingly divergent needs. How? Quite simply by giving him the direct genital stimulation that he craves, and then helping him to channel the energy of arousal into his heart center. Raising sexual energy in this fashion connects the heart and the genitals reuniting the marriage of love and sex. In this way, both parties get what they want. He gratefully receives the genital attention that he craves from her, and she becomes the recipient of his overflowing heartfelt love energy.

This powerful “sexercise” has the potential to change the dynamics of a sexual relationship in an extraordinary way. I still use it almost daily. It works equally well for both men and women. It may be done solo, or with a partner. The directions are offered here as if you are playing solo, but can be easily adapted for partner play, just use your creative imagination.

Pleasure yourself. Stimulate yourself to arousal. Stop just short of climax. This is the point-of-no-return where you know that you would climax with any additional stimulation. Stop all stimulation! Bring your awareness to the heart area in the middle of your chest. Rest, as you breathe deeply through the nose with the express purpose of filling the chest cavity with your activated sexual energy. For men, the partial loss of your erection (normal) and the hardening of your nipples (women too!) is a signal that sexual energy has successfully been redirected into the heart center. After each rush of energy to the heart, the cycle may be repeated again and again until there is no more sexual energy to play with, or until you just feel like stopping. That’s all there is to it!

Where the mind goes the energy flows! You’ve all heard this, so here is a practical application of this energetic truth. Understand, though, that you must have a clear intention to redirect the sexual energy upward. When the orgasmic energy is moved upward, the sexual tension spreads beyond the genitals and pelvic area. A subtle energy channel opens in the body just prior to climax, and if you rest at this time with your focused attention at the heart center (not your genitals), the orgasmic energy will naturally flow upward to nourish and open the heart center. Be prepared, though, because after a lifetime of habitually focusing on the genitals during arousal (after all, that’s where we first feel pleasure), redirecting your focus to the heart during intense sexual excitation will take some practice. There is no prohibition against coming, just delay it long enough to move as much energy into the heart as you can. Just enjoy what is happening and bring as much awareness to this sexercise as possible. May the force be with you.