The American Bedroom Disaster


Male sexuality has been incorrectly focused on the shortsighted goal of ejaculation for too long.


I think we can all agree that very few of us have received any formal instruction in sexual matters. So, it’s no surprise that the subject of sex is one in which the majority of people appear to be unpardonably ignorant. If you think about it, much of what we have learned about sex has come to us from extremely dubious sources. Parents, teachers, religious leaders, unknowing family and friends, pornography, movies, the street and the marketplace have all contributed unconstructive beliefs and erroneous assumptions where sex is concerned. Unfortunately, too many of us still believe the bullshit we were taught.

Consider that in the most comprehensive sex survey since the 1948 Kinsey Report, researchers reported that more than 40% of the women and 30% of the men surveyed had a list of problems that included lack of sexual desire, physical pain during intercourse, an inability to become sexually aroused, premature climax, and anxiety about sexual performance. If you still don’t believe that there is a problem, it’s well documented that after observing over four hundred couples having sexual intercourse in their laboratory during the 1960’s, noted sex researchers Masters and Johnson, appropriately called the American bedroom, “a national disaster area.”

Perhaps the most destructive myth regarding male sexuality is the notion that ejaculation is the ultimate expression of male sexual power and virility. Nothing could be further from the truth! Male ejaculation is far from the peak experience that we have been led to believe it is. Calling it the “climax of pleasure” is really just a bad habit left over from early programming. The truth is, as men, we only experience sexual pleasure until we ejaculate. Thereafter, we enter a less than thrilling refractory phase when our erectile capacity is diminished and the penis does not respond well to additional stimulation.

If you are perceptive, you may have noticed that a man’s emission is often accompanied by a post-ejaculatory crash that tends to sabotage the close emotional bond that lovemaking induces and that women find so appealing. The sleepiness that most men experience after their climax is a sure sign of vital energy loss. Unlike women, when a man comes, everything goes! His erection, his sexual energy, his sexual desire, even his interest in his partner may be temporarily compromised.

Typically, after ejaculating, a man’s mood reflects a subtle but noticeable flatness that colors his overall emotional tone. However, for some men, the symptoms are more extreme. Irritability, moodiness, indifference, and emotional withdrawal are fairly common. Ladies, does this remind you of anyone? Some men even get up, get dressed, and abandon their partners after climaxing. Have you ever heard of a woman doing that?

If ejaculation were a sometimes thing, it might not be very significant, but did you know that the average American male comes about 5000 times in his lifetime? Enough already! My message to conscious men is simple: Accomplished male lovers learn to savor and extend the energy of arousal by withholding ejaculation.

Yes, some men recoil in horror when they first hear about non-ejaculatory sex. After all, it thoroughly goes against their conditioning since the ordinary man still believes that arousal demands release. The prevailing fear is that by not climaxing they would be sacrificing sexual pleasure for some abstract health or spiritual benefit. These men have a hard time accepting the premise of dynamic sex without a climax. They may think, “Where’s the payoff?” Let me set the record straight. In no way does seminal retention involve pleasure deprivation. On the contrary, withholding ejaculation heightens and amplifies pleasure beyond anything that the chronically ejaculating male gets to experience in sex.

Now is the time for the men on this planet to begin to see their sexual behavior in a vastly different light. With a slight shift in consciousness, any man with the proper training can begin the process of sexual awakening --- the roadmap to greater self-esteem, rejuvenation, healing and enduring sexual relationships.