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You will be grateful ... literally.
By Todd Creager — Written on Dec 24, 2018
As with most aspects of life, what you choose to focus on may determine the overall quality of your sex life.
To help you learn how to have better sex, increase your libido (aka sex drive), and experience more intense orgasms, there are 3 primary angles for you to consider in regard to how consciously choosing to be grateful:
- How gratitude affects your sense of psychological well-being
- How gratitude affects the well-being of your partner
- How gratitude affects the human brain
Here's a deeper look at how focusing on the practice of being grateful help you have better sex, increase your sex drive, and lead to more intense orgasms for you and your partner.
1. How gratitude affects your sense of psychological well-being
It's been clearly established in the field of mental health that what we think affects they way we feel.
Thoughts are a dime a dozen. In other words, we are all thinking a vast number of thoughts at any given time. These thoughts may come up automatically, pushing us and pulling us around as if we are tumbleweed blowing around at their whim.
For example, imagine you are driving along a California freeway and suddenly the traffic jams up because of an accident. Your mind immediately turns to thoughts such as, “ Oh, no! Now I'll be late,” or, "I hate traffic!”
Your previously happy mood has shifted to frustration and anger.
However, you can also decide to focus on other thoughts, such as, "Well, now I have more time to listen to my favorite radio station," or, “I hope the people involved in the accident are alright. I'm thankful that at least I'm safe.”
By making the second choice, you feel better.
Focusing on what is good in your life or in the moment makes you feel better. It's that simple.
If you have the capacity to think thoughts that are just as accurate, if not sometimes more so, and which make you feel better, why not focus on those more positive thoughts?
Additionally, ample research shows that practicing gratitude can improve sleep, increase determination and increase the likelihood that you'll initiate healthy behaviors.
All of these things contribute to better overall psychological well-being.
2. How gratitude affects the well-being of your partner
In my book, The Long Hot Marriage, I discuss the important practice of seeing your partner in the best possible light.
When you practice perceiving your partner in positive ways, you naturally begin treating your partner in a way that increases the likelihood they will behave more positively in response and give you more of whatever it is you want.
It's like we are walking and talking self-fulfilling prophecies.
In a nutshell, the qualities and behaviors you focus on in your partner (and yourself) expand, and those you let go of diminish. That's why it's so important to be mindful and aware of what you are focusing on moment-by-moment regarding your thoughts about your partner.
There may be a lot of sex tips out there, but changing the way you think about your partner is one of the top ways to fix a low sex drive.
If you focus on those things you like about your partner, even your non-verbal communication will express that positivity to them. Your smile, your soft eyes, and your loving tone will bring out the best in them before you even say a word.
Expressing gratitude with words will then multiply the effects such that thinking positively about your partner leads to your partner feeling better about themselves and feeling better about you
3. How gratitude affects the human brain
Researchers at the National Institute of Health examined blood flow in various regions of the brain while subjects were asked to summon up feelings of gratitude. They found that subjects who felt more gratitude overall showed higher levels of activity in the hypothalamus, the area of the brain which controls a huge array of essential bodily functions, including eating, drinking and sleeping.
Increased activity of this type in the hypothalamus typically leads to better choices, along with an upward spiral of healthy brain activity.
Gratitude has also been shown to activate dopamine-generating areas of the brain, higher levels of which can give a person a greater sense of vitality and motivation to initiate action.
How does all of this contribute to having better sex, a higher sex drive, and more intense orgasms?
First, when you have an improved sense of well-being and feel less stressed overall, you have more energy and motivation for attending to the sensual and sexual aspects of your life and your relationship. Feeling grateful and focusing on positive thoughts directly increases your sense of well-being, thus, leading to a better sex life.
Second, focusing on positive perceptions of your partner has a positive impact on the hormonal and chemical states of you both. These mind/body states lead to more desire, easier arousal and increased orgasmic potential. The heightened feelings of warmth generated between you through both non-verbal and verbal expressions of gratitude and appreciation actually serve as a form of intimate foreplay.
Third, the positive effects practicing gratitude can have on the brain (as mentioned above) lead to increased desire and expanded potential for pleasure, as higher dopamine activity leads to a more exciting sexual connection.
As a matter of fact, researchers say that one of the reasons couples typically experience higher sexual desire and more frequent sexual activity during the earliest stages of romantic relationships is due to the presence of higher levels of dopamine in both people at that time.
In other words, practicing gratitude may be the best way to rekindle the initial spark of the neurochemical environment you experienced when you first began dating.
Finally, increased dopamine levels often leads to increased motivation to initiate action, including action in the bedroom ...
Many people today use gratitude journals and lists as a tool for self-care. Once you put these additional methods of practicing gratitude into play, you'll be able to go ahead and add "a better sex life" to that list of things you feel grateful for.
Todd Creager is a therapist and expert in relationships who has specialized in marriage, sex, and couples counseling for more than 30 years. For more information, drop him an e-mail.
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This article was originally published at Todd Creager's Website. Reprinted with permission from the author.