"Surviving Mother's Day When You've Lost Your Mom"


Healthy ways to honor your mom when she is not around.

Mother’s Day is a time to honor and cherish mothers. Whether your relationship with her is nurturing or strained, all mothers have one thing in common, they love their children to the depths of their soul. It is a time to appreciate her effort at loving and raising you. Alas, what if your mom is no longer around? Maybe she has passed on, or refuses to talk with you as an adult. Maybe you are feeling sad and lonely without her. Here are a few tips to get through the day.

Tips for Surviving Mother’s Day

1. Remember the good times you had with her as a kid and as a grownup.

Ponder and find fond memories of your mother. How did you feel in her presence? Imagine you’re being with her now and she is playing with you like in your memory. Allow yourself to feel her presence with you now.

2. Review old photographs, videos, or other memorabilia.

Another way to access your memories is to look at old photographs, videos, and other objects which remind you of your memories of mom. There were many ways your mom cared for you. Discover the ways she uniquely cared for you.

3. Write your mom a letter describing all the things you want to say to her.

After accessing your memories you can then write to your mom. The point here is for you to write the letter for you, to say the things that were never said, or to ask questions that have been left unanswered for you.

4. Imagine what she would tell you if she were in the room with you. Use your imagination to pretend your mom is with you today and that she has a message for you. What is that message? What is it that only she can tell you that you most need to hear? This step takes listening and being quiet internally for Mothers wisdom to speak to you. Be patient with this process and it can be very rewarding.

5. Allow yourself to grieve.

Tears are a natural response to losing someone close to you. Allow yourself to feel sad, lonely, or even mad that your mother is not around anymore for you. The tears themselves can be healing, honor these emotions in yourself.

6. Share stories about your mother with family and/or friends.

Set up a friends and family party and share stories about your mom with the group. Ask others to share their memories of you mom too. You may learn some other aspects about your mom you never knew, and may enhance your appreciation of her role in your life.

7. Make a tribute to your mom.

Access your creativity and make a memorial or tribute to your mom. It could be a poem, a song, a sculpture with clay or play doe, a collage, a painting, or any other creative thing you can think of.  Any idea is a good one. The process of creating can be healing too.

If you have lost your mother, Mother’s Day can be a painful day. The day reminds you that she is no longer around, and brings about sadness and longing that she could be with you. Some people feel they would dishonor their mom if they stop grieving. If this is you, ask yourself if your mom would want you to be sad and grieving forever. Honor yourself by trying the tips above. You can bring healing by actively processing your grief. No one can take your memories away from you. You will always have them. Most moms want the best for their kids and would want you to live a full and successful life however you define it.

If you would like more information to make your Relationships Thrive please sign up for my newsletter. You may also connect with me on my website Teresa Maples LMHC, CSAT and on twitter.