Trying to spice things up with your partner? Unsure about suggesting role play or fantasy ? Well, as thrilling as fantasies can be, the potential for trouble also exists. What might sound enticing to you could be a huge turn off to your partner. Dressing up or acting out your hottest dream may feel ridiculous or even offend him. For example, here are four fantasy scenarios gone wrong: 1. Insert hot guy/woman here. Jenny has a huge celebrity crush on Channing Tatum. She's not just a fan of his movies, but also his muscular and well-toned body. Recently, she asked her boyfriend to act out scenes from Tatum's male stripper movie, "Magic Mike." She can't understand why he was hurt and angry and why he refused. Be sensitive. Your partner might feel jealous or threatened by your celebrity crush, especially if you frequently talk about how sexy the celeb is or if your partner is self-conscious about his/her own body. 2. Manipulation disguised as fantasy . Todd wishes his wife would be more adventurous in the bedroom, so he came up with a fantasy to nudge her in that direction. It failed big-time. In an effort to please him, Todd's wife tried to do what he asked, but she was visibly uncomfortable. The experience was not pleasing for either of them! Keep reading ... More sex advice from YourTango: /node/57463 /node/102811 /node/42671 Don't use your fantasy to manipulate your partner. If you're disappointed, frustrated or want your partner to change in some way, this will come through even if you try to pretend you're not. 3. No trust, no fun. Karen had an affair while on a business trip a couple of years ago. She and her husband have made some strides in rebuilding trust, but it's not happening quickly. Karen is impatient and lonely because they've not been as sexually intimate as they used to be. She asks her husband to act out one of her fantasies one evening, and he tells her it's way too soon. If you expect that mixing things up in the bedroom will erase unresolved pains of the past or solve trust issues, you're mistaken. Healthy trust , mutual respect and a sense of safety are necessary requirements for fantasy to be pleasurable to you both. 4. Ewww, no way . Jim watches porn every once in awhile. He knows that his girlfriend doesn't approve, but he enjoys it. What he really wants is for his girlfriend to do to him some of the things that he's seen in his favorite porn video. He works up the nerve and asks her. She gets offended to hear where his fantasy came from and refuses. Be aware of your partner's limits. Try not to assume how he/she will react to your fantasy request, but think about what you know. Based on conversations and experiences you two have had, is this fantasy far beyond your partner's comfort zone or just a bit of a stretch? The challenge with fantasy is you can't really know if your partner is open to what you desire until you ask. Keep reading ... When you share your fantasy with your partner and invite him/her to join you in somehow bringing it to life, it's a risk. You are stepping outside of your comfort zone by talking about this very intimate desire of yours, and you are probably asking your partner to step outside of his/her comfort zone to be with you in this different and maybe outrageous way. There's a chance that even just talking about your fantasy together will turn you both on. There's a chance that when you two act out your fantasy, it will open you up to a whole new level of sexual connection . And there's a chance that the whole thing could backfire, and your partner won't be interested in or turned on by what you have in mind. Do communicate about your fantasy before you two are in the middle of foreplay or lovemaking . You can leave room for spontaneity, but make sure you have consent. Otherwise, the whole thing could be not only a turn off to your partner, it might damage trust and your connection. Use words like, "I have a fantasy that I'd like to share with you. Maybe if you're open to it, we could play around with the idea the next time we make love." Present your fantasy with no pressure and be sure to let your partner know your intention is to heighten pleasure for both of you. To encourage your partner to hear and consider your fantasy idea, make sure to verbally and genuinely appreciate him/her. Tell your partner how special and sexy he/she is to you. Make it known how much you value the different ways you two connect and stay close, including — but not only — when you make love. With the right approach and introduction, your fantasy can be a wonderful way for you and the one you love to be more playful and passionate together. More play and passion are keys to keeping the spark alive in your love relationship or marriage. We'll tell you even more ways to Passionate Spark~Lasting Love in our free ebook that you can get at www.relationshipgold.com
