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Are you a flavor of the week or a newfound favorite?
By Susan Sparks — Written on Mar 19, 2020
Single women looking for love through dating apps are like children walking into a candy store.
Have you ever walked into a bulk candy store and proceeded to fill your bag with every possible flavor, size, and shape that looked appealing to you?
Do you think you could narrow it down from thousands to just one flavor that you would want to have for the rest of your life?
You’re standing in the middle of that store, thousands of flavors and colors all around you and thinking, "I know my favorite candy is in here somewhere! I just need to take my time, try hundreds of these first, and then I am going to find the one flavor that has been missing my entire life. After that, I will never come into this store again."
Yeah, I didn’t think so. Neither have I.
So, why would we walk into a place filled with thousands of choices that are put out there with the intent and allure to make us happy and think that we should choose only one?
And to complicate matters further, what if the last time we chose one piece of candy, we got deathly ill and ended up in the hospital?
Then we'd have an even harder time thinking about choosing just one again, because look at what happened the last time we did that!
This is exactly what has happened to the world of dating with the introduction of the Internet and dating apps.
And as a divorced woman using these dating apps, I don’t just see it happen — I am sometimes the perpetrator, as well.
I don’t like him? Well, no worries because I know where to meet men — in and out of apps. There will be a new him next week or tomorrow.
And you know what? There will be a new him anytime I want because the apps never close, the world never shuts down, and I keep a phone charger next to my bed.
Yep. It never stops.
I’ve been on the other side of this, as well. I’m out with a new person on a Friday night. I think we’re having a great time. He asks me what I’m doing the rest of the weekend and I tell him. I ask him the same and he starts visibly squirming in his seat.
A telltale sign: He has another date the next day.
Dating is not a relationship. It is dating, which presents a problem for us here. We bump into this all the time, as single men and women.
What is dating and how do we handle it when we are out with one person and clearly going to see another one the next day or even later the same day? What are the rules?
What do we tell the person we’re with? Do we tell them anything at all? Is that rude, or is it better to be transparent?
As someone who has been on both sides of this issue — the offensive and offended — and as someone who has worked to counsel others about abuse, divorce, and what healthy love looks like, there are a few fundamental lessons that we all know deep down inside about dating but may have forgotten.
It might be a good time to remember some of these tips while our society continues to literally act like a kid in a candy store when it comes to dating.
Here are 3 essential pieces of dating advice for singles to successfully find love on dating apps.
1. Define what "dating" means to you.
Merriam-Webster defines dating as, "to make a usually romantic social arrangement to meet with."
Nowhere does it say that it is with one person — and only one person — or any other specifics about what dating does or does not mean.
So, what does that mean? It means that the rules of dating are up for interpretation by each individual and no one is right or wrong about their own dating behavior.
If we start off by understanding this fundamental truth and agree to agree or disagree on each individual's different dating ethics, then we will at least begin from the same place.
2. Be very clear about your intentions.
There is a difference in opinion on what dating means to different people, and I choose to be honest and transparent from the beginning.
If one person thinks that dating means one person at a time and the other thinks it means meeting many people at once, you are already walking into a messy situation.
For me, personally, I like to get to know people before I date one person exclusively. "Exclusively" — now that is a word we can all understand.
This approach takes a lot of pressure off a new situation and allows both people to feel free to explore.
What I have often found is if the man I have met is interested in me, he will act quickly to move to an exclusive dating relationship.
If that is not what he wants with me or anyone else, I also tend to find out sooner. In all ways, being clear and upfront seems to work well.
3. Be considerate and polite.
We need to remember that there is a human on the other side of the phone, screen, or app that we are using. It's too easy to forget this when we are staring at a photo or reading a text, rather than seeing a face or hearing a voice.
It’s a mistake that is made too often and has set us back light years in social communications. Manners and etiquette seem to have simply evaporated, and many singles have decided that no previous rules apply since we are forging new paths in the dating world.
I don’t agree and I won’t follow suit. A simple reminder to treat others the way we want to be treated would immediately make all of our dating lives better.
Take these dating tips to heart. We can’t change what we have these days: A whole lot of singles and a whole lot of choices.
Our best bet is to walk the path with many, narrow it down to a few, all while being open and honest about what we want and what we hope will come out of our dating experiences together.
If someone doesn’t like you, then a new date will be standing right behind you ready to take your place. Honestly, there’s nothing you can do to prevent that.
So, you need to remind yourself why it is their loss for letting you go and then secretly snicker to yourself about how foolish their mistake was.
Snickers? Oh, now see? That was always my favorite flavor.
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Susan Sparks is an author, journalist, advocate, and entrepreneur. She is also a Survivor of Domestic Abuse. She’s also built TheSoda-Pop website as a home online where people can go for help, education, and to find a community of others who share the same story.
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This article was originally published at The Soda-Pop.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.