Photo: Instagram
Our girls can't win. We can't win.
By Lisa Kaplin — Last updated on Jan 08, 2023
There's been a lot of drama around the Kardashians for years. People love to comment on their bodies, their relationships and even their children.
I suspect many of the people who make negative and shaming comments about Kim Kardashian and her sisters don't consider themselves bullies or mean people at all, and yet they say things about these women that they likely would not say about women they know.
They likely don't think about how their commentary about these celebrities affects the girls in their own lives — their daughters or granddaughters.
I think back to a few years ago when one of Kim Kardashian's "sexy" selfies went viral. She received judgment from some big stars such as Bette Midler and Pink, who didn’t see her nudity as all that empowering for women.
At first, I wasn't sure that I disagreed with them. I’d love to see women be both fully clothed and empowered. But my daughter, then 18 years old, left me with a thought I hadn't yet considered:
Maybe the Kardashian beat-down is not the way to build our daughter’s spirit or confidence.
My daughter was surprisingly supportive of Kardashian. Not because of her nude photo, but rather of her right to post a photo like that without being attacked by other women.
My girl seemed hurt and angry that other women would be the attackers.
Aren’t we here to support each other even if we disagree?
She, of course, was right.
Can’t we acknowledge Kardashian’s right to be proud of her own body, even if we don’t like the way she does it? Can't we do this for any woman — famous or not?
When our girls hear us calling other girls and women sluts, bitches, and more, they hear us buying into the misogyny that so many of us have been trying to escape.
We tell them that there is only one right way to be a girl or a woman.
We also tell them that loving and having pride in our bodies is a bad thing. Yes, we should honor modesty as each person sees fit. but maybe we should also honor the lack of it, too, if it works for someone else?
We are so quick to judge women who choose to cover themselves but we are just as likely to judge those who don’t. Here lies the dilemma that our girls must be feeling.
If our girls can't win. We can't win.
We are wrong no matter what we do, and our bodies are ultimately not our own.
If a woman chooses to cover or uncover herself that should be her decision, not ours.
Telling our daughters that there is only one way to be an empowered woman is the opposite of teaching them empowerment.
Instead, how wonderful would it have been if both Pink and Bette Midler (two of my personal favorites) instead posted their own version of empowerment?
Yes, I’d rather my girl love herself for her brains versus her beauty, but I’d be a fool if I didn’t think she felt pressure in both areas.
And criticizing Kim Kardashian, her sisters, or any other grown woman who chooses to show her body in ways she sees fit isn’t the solution to our girls finding peace within themselves.
In fact, it might very much be adding to the problem.
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Lisa Kaplin is a psychologist, certified professional life and executive coach, and a highly experienced corporate speaker. She helps people overcome stress and overwhelm in order to find joy in their personal life and success and meaning in their professional lives.