Go With Your Gut: Dating Instincts


Sometimes, when it comes to love, your instincts know more than your head or heart do.

Jamie had been dating Jason for 5 months. They moved fast. The pace of their relationships was relentless — 3 dates a week, entire weekends together, texts through-out the day, almost nightly phone calls. It was out of character for both of them, but that was okay because it just felt right.


And then Jamie went on vacation without Jason to a country without cell phone service. And finally, Jamie and Jason had a moment to think.

“Sometimes, he says nasty things,” she told me at the poolside bar.

“About other people?”

“About me. And he doesn’t want to hang out with my friends. Just his friends or just us. My friends, ya know, like you, are more interesting than his friends. Actually, the last month has been pretty rough.”


The conversation went down a twisty-turny path, with Jamie bouncing between reasons why she loved him and reasons why he was probably really an asshole. She wanted advice and everyone on the trip with us kept telling her the same thing: always go with your gut.

But Jamie was having a hard time accepting “going with your gut” as an acceptable way to behave, particularly because her gut said: RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY FAST!

How could she just bail on Jason when things had been so good? When they had said they loved each other? When she had introduced him to everyone she cared about as her boyfriend?

The first few months had been dazzling, how could everything come unraveled in a week?

I had another friend like Jamie. Except his relationship had been at the 3 year mark when his gut had just started telling him to leave. And everyone kept telling him the same thing: go with your gut.

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This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.