Holiday Breakups: Bad Karma Or Just Bad Timing?


Most people tend to choose to break up before December or wait until into the New Year to say adios.

Sherry Gaba LCSW, Psychotherapist, Life & Recovery Coach is featured Celebrity Rehab on VH1. Sherry is the author of "The Law of Sobriety" which uses the law of attraction to recover from any addiction. Please download your free E books at Contact Sherry for webinars, teleseminars, coaching packages and speaking engagements. Listen to Sherry on "A Moment of Change with Sherry Gaba" on CBS Radio.  Struggling with your own love junkie dramas? You're not alone. Join my free newsletter community to get the support you need to stop the madness before it affects your next relationship or the one you are in now.  - Get the Love You Truly Deserve!

When you think about the Yuletide holidays and the big New Year's Eve festivities the last thing that is on your mind is the need to part ways with your current partner. In fact, most people tend to choose to break up before December or wait until into the New Year before saying adios to the relationship. While this may seem like a good idea, there are some situations where breaking up over the holidays is a matter of personal importance and mental well being.

Unfortunately the holiday season, regardless of what specific plans you have, often include a lot of drinking, going out and doing "couple stuff". This, combined with an already strained relationship, can be a recipe for disaster. Constant demands to be together, appearing madly in love, and handing the relationship without any problems can trigger a wide range of different obnoxious or dramatic confrontations.

Generally, if you know the relationship is going nowhere and you think the other person may have the same feelings talking it out is often the best option. You can always plan to attend holiday events together and then make the break up public after the New Year. For many couples this is a very workable solution. However, if the other person is controlling, verbally abusive or is adamant that the relationship is going to last forever then breaking up over the holidays may also provide you with opportunities to get the support you need.

Breaking up over the holidays in this type of situation can:

  • Allow you to access friends and family for support. Your friends and family can surround you with caring, loving people that can take phone calls and make sure that you aren't overwhelmed by the other person.
  • Give you an opportunity to spend some time apart. You can plan to visit your friends or family out of town or take a vacation on your own. This can be the first step in making a clean break when you return.
  • Allow the other person a chance to spend time with his or her family and gain a perspective on the problems with the relationship as well as the break up. Many times perceptive friends and family have already identified the problem in the relationship but didn't want to say anything.

Breaking up at any time is difficult and the pressure to be a couple over the holidays can make a break up at this time more difficult. If you are genuinely over the relationship it may be impossible to pretend everything is fine through the events. Often when this happens the result is a major emotional outburst and a very public break up which only makes a bad situation worse.