Kiss Holiday Stress Good-Bye by "Doing" Your Sweetheart


Holiday stress? Keep it at bay by keeping your sweetheart at the top of your to "do" list.

The holidays. There’s so much to do! The decorations, the shopping, the tree, the gifts, the gifts, the gifts (thank goodness for Internet shopping), planning the meals, figuring out what to wear to the parties, making up the guest room for relatives…the list goes on. In this run-yourself ragged season, it’s easier than ever to back-burner your sweetie and your relationship. The one thing we are most likely to inadvertently cross off the list when things are super busy is that curl-up-on-the-couch shoot-the-breeze half hour with our partner. Sex? Forget about it. By the time you hit the sheets, you’re exhausted from hauling in and wrapping all those gifts, not to mention cleaning tinsel, pine needles and tiny shreds of wrapping paper for the hundredth time. Your body, your mind, and your attitude are DONE.

The holidays are stressful, no doubt about it. And there are a zillion ways to deal with stress but, just between you and me, the most fun way to deal with stress is “doing” your sweetheart, if you know what I mean. Okay, I’m kidding around a little bit here, but why is it that the one thing we probably need the most—the comfort of our partner—is always the first thing to go? You see, it might look like honoring the intimacy in our relationship is about someone else, or another thing you just shouldn’t neglect and risk losing (and this goes for friendships and family too, right)? But the truth is that these are the things that FUEL us. Coffee with my sweetie is vitally important to my good-mood attitude and my get-stuff-done productivity! Sex last night helps me take a deep breath today and smile when I’m tempted to snap at a slow sales clerk because I’ve got 27 more stops to make. A few days without tenderness and I’m a surly bear.

When I am standing in line, waiting to pay for the egg nog and watching grown men and women grouch and growl like little kids, I want to ask, “Did you get a good hug from your partner today?” I want to send them straight home to get an attitude adjustment by “doing” their sweetheart. I want to tell them, “Go ahead. Be selfish. Do your sweetheart. Do if for you!”

And, while you’re at it, cash in some of the good will (what I call Frequent Foreplay Miles) you’ve banked all year long by asking for help. If you just ask, there’s a darned good chance your sweetie would be happy to pick up the groceries or stop at Toys-R-Us for the Barbie Monopoly you need for the local toy drive. Take that time for yourself. Take a bubble bath, do your nails, or buy yourself the perfect gift.

The holidays SHOULD be a time of joyful intimacy. Keeping your sweetheart at the top of your to "do” list allows “should” to become reality and that is simply LOVELY.

Shela Dean is a Relationship Coach, Speaker and Bestselling Author of Frequent Foreplay Miles, Your Ticket to Total Intimacy, available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Shela's website.