25 Rules for Spring Cleaning Your Mandrobe


It's time to Spring Clean your Love Life. Here are 25 rules to show who stays- and who goes.

25 Rules for Spring Cleaning your Mandrobe

As women, we are far too permissive of men’s behavior. We constantly make excuses for why they do or don’t do something. It’s easy to blame ourselves, but there’s a reason we put up with their less than savory behavior.

Letting go of someone who we have emotionally invested in is not only difficult- it’s disappointing. And as the more empathic, loving, and accepting of the two genders, it’s in our nature to want the best in people. But repeatedly investing energy, the ears of your friends, your therapist, and your mom, and three pieces of chocolate cake out of frustration on behalf of this not worthwhile guy is slowly killing you- and keeping you from finding someone who is worth it.

So as spring (finally!) peeks its nose over the horizon, it’s time to get rid of all those gents who are just clogging up your system.

Think about it like getting rid of those old clothes which haven’t been in style since the 90’s- you have to dump them in the Salvation Army box, or you’ll never have room for the stylish, gorgeous apparel that you feel great in.

I’m not saying it’s easy. Though I feel a bit like Cher from Clueless sharing this anecdote,  I’m going to. I had a pair of sparkly pants with a tiger on them- I think from Arden B- that I wore for twin day in the tenth grade. Back at fifteen when Llo wasn’t yet a crack addict, they were pretty freaking awesome. Ten years later, try as I might, I simply couldn’t bear to get rid of them- but everytime I tried to get to my new Helmut Lang skinnies, I couldn’t, because these damn leopard pants were blocking them. I finally had to admit to myself that not only was I never going to wear them again, but that they were annoyingly blocking my new and fabulous clothes.

So to make room for the fabulous, you have to cut ties with the stuff in your life that is out of style and just cluttering you.

Your first step? Cleaning out your phone book.

To figure out who gets the ax, adopt a zero tolerance policy. What is this? It’s a term places like prep schools use for behavior like drinking and drugs. Meaning one strike, you’re out- and admit it, you know you give most guys at least three. This is a policy that we women should adopt way more with men. Think of it like this- everytime we are permissive of guys’ less than exemplary behavior, we are not only oking this behavior, we are reinforcing it. If you do end up with this guy, (which I hope you don’t), his behavior will continue to get worse and worse. It’s the foot in the door phenomenon in psychology- if he gets away with doing something small, he will keep raising the stakes until you’re staring at FB pictures of him in the Caribbean with some half clad girls from the Real World practically licking him. NOT OK. If you don’t end up with him, he is going to use this behavior on some poor other girl.

So take these zero tolerance policies for your phone book, and apply them to your real life as well. Remember, each time you go out with, or even talk about, a loser, you’re wasting time and energy on someone who doesn’t deserve it- AND that time and energy can be used on something- or someone- way more productive.

25 Rules for Spring Cleaning your Mandrobe
(Some of these may seem obvious, but I’ve heard girls make excuses for every single rule on this list)

1) His last name is still listed as the name of a bar, a venue, or an online dating site (or his name is listed as Santa Claus, or Led Zeppelin Avenue A, or something similarly ridiculous).
2) You have no idea who the person is.
3) You have more than three of that name in your phonebook. Have six Mike’s? Get rid of four.
4) He canceled on you at the last minute, via text, without renegotiating for another time and date.
5) He only contacts you after 11 pm.
6) He never actually sets a time for a date.
7) You heard that he’s also been hitting on one of your friends.
8) You’re pretty sure he moved overseas.
9) When you call him, he texts you back- and doesn’t call after work.
10) He has sent you ANY dirty pictures.
11) He has sexted you. (Eeww. This does NOT turn girls on).
12) He lives more than 25 miles away from you in a place you know you’re never going (or going back to).
13) You met him on vacation in Acapulco and haven’t talked to him since.
14) He takes FOREVER to respond to a text. I’m talking two days. Give me a break.
15) You haven’t talked to him since college (or high school).
16) Everytime you see his name in your phone book you get angry or want to throw up.
17) He only makes plans with you at the last minute.
18) Whenever you hang out, he insists that you come to him.
19) He has argued with you- EVER- about using a condom.
20) He has EVER called you clingy, needy, or crazy.
21) He has EVER said anything to you mean or condescending.
22) He didn’t show up to your birthday party and gave some lame excuse (if any at all).
23) He drinks to the point where he is throwing chairs, getting in fights, or getting kicked out of bars.
24) You really have ZERO interest in being his friend.
25) He has a girlfriend, is engaged, or married.

Bonus Rule: This last one is on behalf of my fifteen year-old sister and her first puppy love- who turned out to be not so lovely. You have ever heard him say “Feelings are gay.”

So get out of here, and get cleaning. And when you hear yourself starting to make an excuse for him, stop and remember: zero tolerance! You’re too good to put up with BS.