I used to openly discuss my dating experiences in my writing. Men I dated were scared — and still are. "Am I just a subject for your next story?" they ask. "Is this the final chapter of your book?" I know they're only half kidding, so I smile and laugh coquettishly, brushing off their inquiries. As a winsomely disguised warning, I flirtatiously tell them, "Well, that depends on whether or not you're nice to me." And so it goes — the good guys have always been depicted as the gems that they are, and the bad ones in a deservingly sallow light. My dedication to open and honest blogging wavered a bit when I ran into someone who I had just blogged about — in a not so complimentary way. Two weeks prior, he had drunkenly made a move on me and tried to follow me home. I felt it was necessary to talk about that experience to provide solace for other women who had been inappropriately "followed," to show them that they aren't alone. Although I had changed all the names in my post, you could imagine how awkward that encounter was. Afterward, I decided that depicting any guy in a less than complimentary way in my writing who I had any chance of running into again (New York is a surprisingly small world) just wasn't worth the potential confrontation. So I stopped writing about my love life, but unfortunately I didn't stop getting seduced by losers. The losers were as sneaky as ever — you know, the charming handsome types who make you feel like you're the only girl in the world and then mysteriously disappear? Or worse, engage in behavior so rancid that you wonder if wolves raised them? For those of you who wonder if a dating coach takes her own advice, I do ... most of the time. Writing over the years has certainly enabled me to have insight into the types of traps I get pulled into and how to avoid them. However, sometimes it takes a while to get to know someone, especially if you are seeing the person without the luxury of a mutual friend who can clue you into their character (Ahem ... # Acquaintable isawesome). Without a third-party source, what information do you have to rely on besides what they tell you (and what you sniff out like Nancy Drew on Google)? How can you know without experiencing them yourself? Keep reading... More dating advice from YourTango: 25 Date Night Ideas That Aren't Cheesy The Best Relationship Advice On YourTango 10 Dating Tips I Wish I'd Followed While I Was Single Ladies, Meet Lulu Enter Lulu , the "Girls Only" dating app designed to rate men. As founder Alexandra Chong says, "I founded Lulu because my friends and I needed it." Lulu takes the "girls looking out for girls" ethos to the next level. Lulu allows women to leave reviews of their dates, exes, crushes, and friends. In an era of online dating , where a guy can make himself out to be anyone he wants to be, Lulu tries to provide that crucial second — and third, and fourth — perspective. Lulu takes the mechanism of social approval that exists elsewhere on the web and uses it for people. It reminds me of seeking travel reviews. When a traveler has been to a foreign country or island, they can tell you which cities to hit and which to skip, what sites to see and which to ignore. With Lulu, the cities are men. Obviously, just like with traveling, reviews are influenced by personal experience; seldom are they completely objective. A great rating doesn't always make it a great buy — you may still be disappointed with your product after reading all of the five-star reviews or find out that the outlier one-star reviewer who rants about how much a toaster oven destroyed their lives might not have been so wrong. But due to the number of reviews, there is generally some consensus on how good the product is, and it's those reviews that prepare you for what you are getting yourself into and help you choose one product over another. Since Lulu is new, reviews are scarce so a consensus on the guys has yet to be reached. It will take time and traction for enough reviews to amass in order to absorb a few outliers who might have a vendetta against a guy who miffed them and come up with reliable conclusions. Personally, I like Lulu, though our team at Acquaintable is divided down the sexes. Far too often I see women blindly swept away by guys who end up stomping on them. And far too often, women stay oblivious to red flags because they really want this guy to be the one — it's the idealism in us. You could consider Lulu a preventative measure — one designed to save women from the heartache that comes from getting involved with a bad seed. Lulu's your anonymous best friend. What The Guys Think Obviously, many guys are not thrilled about the "Girls Only" app. The app is only available to those listed as women on Facebook and so to the guys, access to the app is as unattainable as Kate Upton. Never have I had guys practically fight one another to get ahold of my phone — or had men who I have never seen plead with me to rate them a 10. Clearly I see all of the arguments opposing it. It infringes on privacy, it objectifies men, and, uh-oh, girls, aren't you worried about when the guy's version of the app comes out that rates you? Well yes, but no. First, men have been rating us for decades: in school, in the media, basically everywhere in society. Recently, a coworker said, "It's not fair that Lulu only rates men — is there a version that judges women?" to which our intern responded, "Life. Open your Facebook or any media source and tell me what you see." An app that rates women would only be an extension of what already exists (#ScarletLetter). May I direct your attention to all the "hot-or-not" type websites that have polluted the Internet for over a decade? Keep reading... Men dislike Lulu because they feel as if they're being judged — but the point of the app is (for once) not to judge people, but to give women feedback on potential lovers — and to give feedback to the men themselves. In the framework of personal development, the purpose of feedback is to learn from it, ultimately integrating the constructive criticism into your life in a positive way. On the most minor level, if someone says I have something in my teeth, am I going to lash out at them? No, I'm going to thank them profusely and immediately go to the bathroom to remove said offensive food. If a woman rates you as a 5 because you were rude to her after a night together, treat the next woman with a basic level of respect. Lesson learned. How The Hashtags Work Sometimes, even little pieces of feedback can make a huge difference especially when it comes to men competing for women. Some examples? Poor posture, B.O., #eatsmyfaceoffwhenwekiss: These things can be easily fixed, and they can really change how a guy is perceived by those he is currently pursuing. My suggestion to the men out there? Instead of getting yourself all worked up, check out Lulu Dude and use that feedback (however skewed) to become a better you. Here are a few to watch out for: #ManChild. Lesson learned: Grow up. No more frat parties in Murray Hill at 30. #Neverasksquestions. Lesson learned: STFU and let someone else talk for once. #Worstbreathever. Lesson learned: Invest in Listerine. #Cheaperthanabigmac. Lesson learned: Stop offering to split the bill. I think Lulu could also be an opportunity for nice guys to get ahead. If women finally stop wasting their time on #rudetowaiters, #doesntrespectwomen and #wanderingeye — and look for #nicetomom, #loveshisfamily, and #oneofthegoodones, the good guys will win and hopefully the bad boys will take a hint and get to work on themselves. But for this to happen, the ranking within the system needs to change. Currently if a guy rates high on ambition, sex , and looks, but low on the things that actually demarcate character, his overall rating is still high. I think that even if a guy is very attractive, great in bed, and likely to buy his future wife a big fat diamond, if he lacks respect for women, that should be majorly reflected in his overall score. I also think that women should have the option to create their own hashtags or add personal comments to their reviews. That way, we can know if an actual person is rating the person rather than a spambot. Moreover, the reader will see if the reviewer actually knows the guy based on the context of the review. It allows for specificity because there are certain things the epic hashtag list does not include that women may feel like other ladies should know. Hashtags #cheatedonmewithfiftywomen or #hasherpes should probably be mentioned ... just saying. A few things to keep in mind while using the app: Beware of perfect 10s. Most of the guys who are 10s or close to 10s have been rated by one person who is either their friend or a crush. Crushes' reviews are clearly the most skewed. When you have a crush on someone, that person can do no wrong. Ex-girlfriends give the #mostaccuratereviews. As I mentioned earlier, it usually takes a while to get to know someone. It's the ex-girlfriends that are really the treasure troves of information about a guy, as they know all the good and bad sides to him. I promise that not all ex-girlfriends have malicious intent. Oh yeah, and that whole thing about not writing about my dating life anymore? Sorry boys, my book will be out by 2015. And nope, you weren't spared.
