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You already know how to do it. Dive in!
By Ruth Schimel, PhD — Written on Feb 14, 2022
Have you noticed that your experience and skills looking for a job are transferable to other important goals? The good news is that successful matches in job search and dating benefit from similar strategies, insights, and actions and vice versa.
Successful matches in job search and dating benefit from similar insights, strategies, and actions.
You’ll see how they connect to your happier future as you apply your previous insights as well as adapt and use the three processes suggested here.
The first process is using an inside-out perspective to clarify, appreciate, and apply information about yourself first. That gives you criteria to effectively screen the increasingly used online processes and actual situations.
The second process that contributes to the outcomes you seek is your outreach to others with whom you have good give and take relationships that are mutually beneficial, at least over time.
The third process is understanding the dynamic context related to your outreach, whether for a worthwhile job or dating relationship.
First Process
The way to a satisfying, successful future is naturally within you appreciating, articulating, and expressing the true you.
But this valuable, often dynamic, process does not turn automatically in your favor using magic words such as open sesame.
Instead, that productive chemistry comes from paying attention to your authentic self: who you are and what you really want as that shifts somewhat with time and circumstance
Being alert for people, situations, and norms that support your paths forward is also within your realm.
So, that test is soundly based on many ways you have the power of choice, intuition, and experience from previous actions.
Since it clarifies effective choices and direction for both dating and job search, use and adapt this Inside-out inquiry first.
Here are some basic questions to ask yourself for clarifying choices and direction for both dating and job search.
1. "How can I stay aware of and integrate my main values, transferable skills abilities, interests, and passions?"
Perhaps asking yourself the challenging, informative question: "What (or who) excites me and also makes me feel safe?" will further expose clearer direction and focus for sustainable, smart choices.
2. "What makes me uncomfortable, anxious, or fearful?"
How does that expose show issues that would benefit from additional attention, practice, and healing (of stress, for example)?
3. "What gives me pride about my past and current experience, intuition, and knowledge?"
What additional one or two areas for learning and practice will take me forward?
To refer to and remember what you learn about yourself, record or briefly write out your responses.
Use what you learned from your inside-out exploration and anything else you uncovered. They are useful templates to do triage among possibilities and will help you avoid detours and distractions.
Second process
The second process is based on external sources such as online sites and contacts.
Online Sources
Both job search and dating leads can be sorted through online at a wide range of sites. For a list of credible job search sites, see Novo Resume.
You probably have already explored some dating sites; here are the top 20 or so for 2022.
The opportunities now are how to use these sources effectively and efficiently without paying undue attention. After all, your time is precious and nonrenewable.
Contacts and Relationships
However accessible and fun the online sites, the richest source of possibilities for job search and dating are likely to be people with whom you have good relationships — and the people they know.
Each person may know about 100-200 people in their networks, not to mention groups and organizations for exploration. Any connection of value benefits from establishing a level of trust and mutual understanding first.
One of my biggest turnoffs is when someone I just met says, "I want to pick your brain." First, it’s an ugly image and secondly a level of chutzpah that inhibits my feeling of generosity.
Rather, always be alert to what you can do for the other person first. That involves at least knowing something about their values, interests, and needs.
In other words, connecting well with others is not about conventional networking. It’s more about developing relationships of mutual value over some time through shared experiences and open conversation.
Third process
Support the the second and third processes by staying current about dynamic contexts of situations and relationships.
This can be a lot of work, but doing a little at a time regularly helps.
Understanding contexts includes:
Your own environment — friends, family, health, security, for example.
The environments of the people to whom you reach out.
The situations, cultures, and environments of possible groups and organizations you contact.
All three are influenced by the dynamism of economic, political, and social matters. With all the attention to the future of work, it remains essentially in motion and mostly unfathomable, the longer the time frame.
In my opinion, that’s why being clear about who you are and what you want is one of the few matters you can clarify and attend to. That will provide true security for both work and relationships.
So, for seeking both better work and dating situations as well as outcomes, experiment with and add to the suggestions here to improve your quality of life, now and in the future.
The good news is that you’ll get a two-for-one benefit from adapting, using, and adding to these three ways to focus your action: your self-awareness from the inside-out, outreach to others and information sources, and attention to contexts.
As you no doubt have experienced in any important relationship, whether romantic or work, the natural dynamism can be mitigated by shared values.
For an old, still powerful discussion of this and a form of bibliotherapy, see Lederer and Jackson’s Mirages of Marriage.
You’ll see the book’s many carryovers to job search situations; they include relationship-building, trust, and effective communication within yourself and with others.
More for You:
Ruth Schimel Ph.D. is a career and life management consultant and author of the Choose Courage series on Amazon. She guides clients in accessing their strengths and making visions for current and future work viable. Obtain the bonus first chapter of her recently available seventh book, Happiness and Joy in Work: Preparing for Your Future and benefit from your invitation to a free consultation on her website.