Living Big: Living Unreasonable And Living The Life You Want


Is it driving you nuts? You want to live a big life—a life of passion, grand adventures and big dreams, and you can’t break out of your rut—out of the gray dolor of everydayness?

How do you bust out of gray and into color; out of living small and into living big?

Getting started can be tough—usually, it’s not a matter of knowing what to do. Right? You know what to do: doing open mikes; asking someone to put money into your idea; calling an agent; pointing the sailboat towards the horizon; calling the guy you’ve got the hots for.

Whatever the next step is--it’s not happening.

I’ll put money on any odds that whatever is stopping you is not lethal. That even if the worst happened, it wouldn’t draw a drop of blood.

What’s stopping you is whole rat’s nest of reasons:  Take that hot guy (or gal) for example: You’ll worried you’ll make a fool of yourself on the phone; or that he’s gay, or that he’s seeing someone else, or that men don’t like women who take the initiative. The list of reasons why you don’t pick up the phone is endless...

The reason we have reasons is to keep us safe. The problem is that when you’re playing safe, you’re likely living a life that is boring you silly.

Reasons are almost always cover for fear. They give you a justification for not taking an action without you having to admit to yourself that you’re just flat-out scared. Pretty humiliating stuff to be afraid, especially if you’re afraid of something that won’t draw blood.

If you could recognize that all your reasons were just excuses and admit to yourself that it is fear stopping you—you’d be a solid step closer to living a big life. Because it’s easier to step past your fears than it is to step past some reason you’ve made up that you’ll totally convinced is the Truth. If it’s the Truth that men don’t like women who call first, you’re never going to call that guy (and, of course, he could be over there in his tangled world of made-up reasons not calling you because he’s certain you think he’s a dweeb—why else would you be so damn aloof?).

There you are: a match made in heaven that doesn’t happen because both parties believe their reasons are the Truth and so didn’t take a risk. That’s playing small.

Half my coaching practice is disabusing clients of their reasons—reasons they’ve (unconsciously made up) that bind them more securely than any pair of handcuffs.

But if you understand that calling that guy scares the bejesus out of you, you have a choice: Would you rather stay home with your fear or do something that might lead to a relationship? Fear or relationship? If fear—hire a coach and get over it. If relationship, then, hands sweating, heart pumping, pick up the phone and give him a call.

Now—it’s perfectly possible that he is gay, seeing someone else, or has no interest in women who take the initiative. You don’t know for a fact until you give him a call. But really, so what? What are you risking? A “no”?

“Hey Joe, Lindsey here. I’d really like to get to know you better. Can I buy you a beer after work next Friday?”

And Joe could say:

“That’s so sweet—but I’ve already got a boyfriend.”

“Take a number.”

“Sorry, I like my girls docile and easily dominated. You don’t seem the type.”

A half million other things you couldn’t imagine.

Or, “Why not tonight?”

Are you getting my drift?

1. If you have reasons for not doing something—get that they’re cover for fear. 

2. Your reasons are made up—sheer fantasy even though you may have boat loads of evidence proving they are the Truth.

3. You have a choice to be stopped by your fear or to take action in spite of your fear.

4. If you choose fear, you will stay in your rut and probably nurse a ton of resentment, self-criticism, frustration, a juicy sense of victimhood, and other thoughts that generally ruin your day and keep you living small.

5. If you take the action—you may get the result you want or you may not, but either way, you’re moving forward.

Each time you chose action instead of fear, you’re building your courage, your self-confidence, and your power to live big.

Here’s the deal: you can live your life bound by your reasons—or you can live an unreasonable life. Your choice.

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