facebook

How To Turn 'Let's Go Out Sometime' Into An Actual Date

love equation
Love

Great! He asked you out ... well, kind of. How to know if he's interested for real.

Almost every single woman has run into this scenario when dating at any age, really. You meet a handsome man at work, in a store, at a bar, while speed dating, etc. You chat a bit and he seems interested. Then he takes the next step and asks for your number, saying you should go out for coffee or dinner sometime. You think to yourself, "Hey, he asked for my number and asked me out. He must be really interested in me!"

Maybe he texts you and starts a conversation. He might even ask what you are doing over the weekend. You think, "He's asking if I have plans for the weekend. That's a good sign!" You start feeling excited about the possibility. But somehow, you never actually connect in person and the date never materializes, which is a disheartening major bummer for you.

What The Heck Happened?

As a dating coach, women ask me about this all the time because this pesky scenario is so incredibly common. I tell them that here are  definitely clues to forewarn you of this outcome, but women don't pick up on them.  Instead, they attach meaning to interactions that don't really have much meaning at all and then they feel hurt and terribly disappointed. The sweet things a man says may sound good, but the actions he takes are the only thing that really matter.

I understand and I learned everything I know the hard way through the pain of experience. That's why as a dating coach for women, I want to open your eyes and share these insights to help you better understand men.

Learn To Read Between the Lines

When a man asks for your number and says, "Let's go to dinner sometime," it could mean a few different things. He may be:

  • Testing the water to see if you are interested.
  • On a mission to collect women's phone numbers and boost his ego.
  • Interested, but unsure of himself.
  • Interested, but minimizing the risk of rejection.

However, no matter what the reason, this is a lame request and shows a lack of masculine leadership. That's not always a terrible thing when dating over 50, but it clearly can be annoying as it leaves you wondering and dangling in the wind. When a man asks you to go out "sometime," it's more like he's fishing or tossing out crumbs versus truly asking you out.

What You Can Do

To alleviate some of the stress, I recommend you respond like this the next time a man asks you out without any specifics: "I'd love to! When were you thinking?" Whether you're dating over 50 or at any age, responding to his vague interest this way helps cut through the nonsense. Either he'll schedule a time right away (glad that you are also interested) or stutter and do his very best to weasel out of it (in which case, let him). Your quick response puts him on alert and clears up any possible mystery immediately. How he responds right then and there tells you everything you need to know, speeding up the process.

Another Option

Some women won't feel comfortable taking such a direct approach. If that sounds like you, the next best thing is to expect his lack of follow through so you won't be disappointed later when he never sets a real date up. Accept that you probably won't be going out with him rather than continuing to torture yourself wondering when he'll ever get around to asking you out for a live date.

Don't Make Excuses For Him

I do not recommend that you ask him out because it's like doing his job for him. If he's not committed to asking you out, is that really a man you want to date?

The Shy Guy

Forget all that shy guy stuff you might be toying with. That's just making excuses for his wimpy behavior. If you don't want to always be taking the lead with a guy, don't start doing so from the very beginning. Shy men know what to do to go on a date with you and they will do what it takes when they really want to see you.

The Intimidation Factor

Don't believe that nonsense about how you intimidate men either. If you are intimating, cut that out and learn to flirt; be warm and friendly. Your intimidation factor is not a reason to taking the lead. I find that women who ask men out are the first to complain they are doing all the work in the relationship. You set up your relationship from the very first conversation. So if you don't want to run everything, hold back and resist the urge to take charge.

Are you a single woman over 40 who is ready to start dating or, are you dating but not meeting the right men? Get the proven dating advice you need from a dating coach who specializes in helping women over 40 with loads of success stories. Download my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes Single Women Make That Keep You Single so you can avoid heartbreaking missteps on your way to finding the magic of love.

This article originally appeared as "Understanding Men: How To Handle A Vague Date Request" on It's Never Too Late For Love.       

This article was originally published at NeverTooLate.biz. Reprinted with permission from the author.