Surefire Ways to Kill Your Confidence

Happy Woman

Playing the “blame others” game isn’t the solution for boosting your self-confidence.

It’s a shell game we play. “Where’s our confidence hiding?”

Yet, in reality, it’s not hiding, it’s just not being tapped into…and we’re to blame…mostly.

Mostly because, others may have taught us to swallow the “not good enough pill,” but we all have the power to choose whether we buy into that dribble drabble and let it diminish our confidence to a pile of nothingness.

So what if that nothingness we’re reversed? What if the can’t do’s, shouldn’t be’s, and not good enough’s dissipated into oblivion simply because we stopped killing our own confidence? Imagine flipping the world of critics on their pointy little pinheads and saying, “Nah, na, nanny, poo, poo, you don’t bug me!” You could do it, but you’re going to have to sing that little annoying rhyme to yourself first – over and over and over again -  before you can slay the dragons of others judgments and tell them to stuff it where the sun isn’t going to rise or shine!

Yes my pretties, it all starts with you. You learning how to double-down on that nasty monkey mind talk you pull on yourself. It’s time to infect yourself with the possibility virus that you are confident instead of surrendering to the malignant disease of self-deprecation.

They’re your thoughts, your actions, and your beliefs that are holding you hostage and its time to apply some antioxidants to your life and pump up the volume on your confidence -  in bed, in the boardroom, and even when your singing for a four chair turn on The Voice from your shower. But, you gotta stop killing yourself loudly with these five confidence killers, that are as dangerous as a loaded AR-15 with or without a permit!

  1. Curiosity killed the cat, but it should inspire your childlike wonder. We’ve all swallowed the, “Don’t question it, just go with it” approach – hook, line, and sinker. But, when you stop being curious and just toe the line, you lose your curiosity. You know that thing that made you so annoyingly say, “Why, why, why?” as a child. But now, you quaver in the corner of your life, fearful of asking any question that may lead to a ginormous pimple of vulnerability. And all for what? To keep your confidence from dying a slow, painful death, get curious. Get off the comfy couch. which is your danger zone, and start playing big, big, big by letting your curiosity come back to life…your confidence will thank you.
  2. But, but, but…I’ll disappoint others! Really? How long you going to hold onto that tired old excuse? If you disappoint them, it’s only because you set them up to believe that you’re their puppet. It’s time Pinocchio to cut the puppet strings and tell your inner Geppetto that you want to be free. Free to be yourself, and if you disappoint someone, it’s all about them and not about you. The easiest way to overcome this DISAPPOINTMENT ailment is to wake up each day and ask yourself this one question, “What would I do today if I wasn’t afraid of disappointing anyone?” Then go do it!
  3. It’s just too hard to build confidence. Sing another song sistah, or brotha. That song ain’t no gospel and it’s time you quit singing it like it’s “Amazing Grace!” Everything in life is hard to build if you believe it to be so. But here’s a little inside track on the DNA of you…or at least it’s one perspective. We were all born with the capacity to be confident. Then, some little and big birdies started telling us we were no good, and we swallowed those worms. Sure, we may have fought it for a little while, but shame, guilt, people pleasing, and downright bullying got in the way of us standing up. Instead we turned to standing down and brick by brick our confidence got broken down. Anything worth working for is worth building. And if you’re going to build your confidence, focus on the real reason(s) it’s going to be good for you, and only you, and then get the mortar and bricks and start building it…brick by confident brick. Pick two or three solid reasons that confidence will make your life frickin’ awesome and never take your eyes off those prizes, and build that confidence stronghold.
  4. Teddy had it right – Comparison is the killer of joy. Good old Teddy Roosevelt. Not only was he a President for the ages, he was also a man who knew how to put comparisons in their place…in the garbage pile! From the moment you got up today, until the moment you started reading this article, you have compared yourself in some way to someone else. And how did that make you feel? If you didn’t feel inspired, then your comparing for all the wrong reasons. Compare to excel, not to end up in a fetal position in the corner. Learn from your comparisons and don’t’ let jealousy, envy, and coveting browbeat you into dismal servitude of self-loathing. Compare to bring you joy, not kill it.
  5. Having no purpose, is a rabbit hole with no Wonderland. Confidence quickly gets eradicated when you feel that you have no purpose, no function, no means for being on the planet except to take up space in this cubicle you call life. Well knock it off. Your purpose begins when you trust yourself enough to be yourself. The more you try to be someone else, or someone else’s version of you, the deeper the vortex of “no purpose” becomes. You were brought to this planet to do what only you can do. No one else can do it. Yes, it is that simple. So take the simple truth pill, do what you’re meant to do here on the planet, and your purpose will become clear and your confidence will thrive.

Like any muscle needing developing for optimal health, confidence needs to be worked and exercised daily. To cut the fat of low self-esteem, one only needs to take a stand, and step into the light of self-worth. In self-worth and self-love you will discover the ammunition to kill your confidence busters.

Ready to step out and confidently into being yourself and living your truth? Download the 7-Day Confidence Challenge and see what a week can do towards helping you be confident, be unique, be you!