Clingy, needy, on him like a panting dog. Honey, that just ain’t pretty on anyone, not even gay men.
What do homosexuals and heterosexuals have in common? The innate ability to go into their own heads, create crazy making scripts that incapacitate their ability to be independent yet dependent in a relationship. That was a mouthful. Whittled down interpretation...we’re all clingy and needy in our own ways! Yes, even you Mr. Gay Man!
No matter what your sexual orientation is, the need to be validated by others never seems to fully retreat. For gay men, this comes in the form of community acceptance, random sex partners, drugs, alcohol, and venturing into honest to goodness dating relationships. The quest then becomes, moving from needy to being wanted. Now don’t get all anxious or defensive. Needy is as needy does; wanting is as wanting does; and desire is as desire does. Confused? Let’s break it down.
If you’re a needy gay guy, there’s a high likelihood that you will attract a gay guy that wants to be needed. In this scenario, you are both feeding each other until you both get fed. Once fed, one of you, if not both of you, is going to move on because the satisfaction of being needed or needing wanes over time, and like a drug, you will need a new fix to satisfy your needs. That’s just way to many needs in one sentence but hopefully you get the drift. The other possibility is that your relationship will become volatile because you both need each other to supply needs or satisfy needs, and you will pit each other against one another trying to accommodate these mutual yet diverse needs.
Want and desire on the other hand, remove the “need” element from the equation. There ya go! Kick need out of the way and get focused on want and desire. How do you do this? Admit, wholeheartedly, that you don’t need a man. Go ahead and say it out loud right now. Once you clearly see that you don’t need a man and that you want and desire a man in your life, the game begins to change.
5 Ways To Be The Man A Man Wants
- Be confident. Confidence is very sexy when done the right way. This doesn’t mean you have to be confident enough to stand on a stage and perform, or run a marathon. Simply be confident in you and your gifts that you bring to the table.
- Be genuine. Nothing is more of a turn off then someone who is pretending to be someone they’re not. Transparency is a two-way street. You’re either transparent and genuine, or transparent and a fraud.
- Be available. One of the most common relationship issues that shows up time and time again, is that gay men feel like the guy they are interested in just isn’t available to them – physically and emotionally. The best way to combat this feeling is to ask yourself, “What does being available mean to me, and am I walking the walk and talking the talk?” Again, what you put out is what you attract!
- Be vulnerable. None of us likes to get hurt in any relationship. Depending on how many times we may have been hurt, jilted, dropped, broken up with, it’s possible that we’ve got a energy shield around our vulnerability that no other gay man can break through. If he can’t break through the vulnerability, he can’t get to the real you, and thus he you won’t be the man a man wants.
- Be exciting. Not asking you to jump out of an airplane, go white water rafting, or dance naked on a Broadway stage, unless that’s how you define exciting. In reality, exciting is in the eyes of the beholder. The clearer you are about the type of guy you want to attract, what you believe he will find exciting about you, and how you can meet his excitement desire, the higher the likelihood that you will hit a home run!
Needs are important when it comes to food, water, shelter, etc. On the contrary, they’re just plain ugly when they show up in the form of clinginess, and suffocating behaviors that give no space for a relationship to grow. If you can plant the seed that you’re not a needy gay man, you just might find a relationship that blossoms into something you’ve always desired...and more!
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