Discover why asking "why" doesn't solve anything when your partner tells you "I'm Gay."
It’s January 2012, but you already knew that. However, here’s one thing that's already different this year. There are more individuals “coming out of the closet” to live their sexual truths than ever before in history (well at least it appears that way!). Why? The most obvious reason is that homosexuality is becoming more accepted; regardless of what the GOP Candidates may be saying on their campaign trails to win votes. A revolution is afoot that's encouraging people be true to themselves, which is a producing a by-product of more married heterosexuals finally embracing their “sexual identities,” and stepping out of the closet to say “Frankly my dear, I’m gay!”
Before you start lobbing rotten tomatoes at me and telling me to go stuff my liberal gay head where the sun don’t shine, you have to be honest and observe that the odds of someone being gay are in the numbers. Depending on the statistics you look at - Alfred Kinsey’s 3 – 5% of the population being gay or a more recent poll conducted by Gary Gates of the Institute on Sexual Orientation and Public Policy which found only 1.7% to identify as gay - the truth is, gay is here to stay.
That being said, “Frankly my dears, some of you are going to have a spouse come out of that closet one of these days and your world is going to get rocked upside down!” Trust me I know. I did the rocking and created the eye of the tornado for a beautiful woman, and two children that I loved very much, when I came out of the closet. Now, 12 years later I can tell you that it “does get better” for all concerned, if that’s what “all concerned, choose to do!” However, in order to get to the choosing you have to understand 4 things, and that’s what this series is all about. Understanding the why, what, how, and when of getting through the challenge of a spouse saying, “Frankly my dear, I’m Gay!”
Step 1 – The Why Factor!
When I work with clients on either side of the fence as a ‘Coming Out Coach’ the word “why” rings louder than any other question. Whether you’re the individual ‘coming out’ or the person hearing the words, “I’m Gay,” from someone you’ve been intimitaly involved and sleeping with, “Why, why, why” just takes over your thoughts and leads to a myriad of emotions, feelings, and behaviors.
The person bearing the news and declaring, “I’m coming out,” they ask...
- Why am I gay/lesbian?
- Why should I come out now?
- Why is coming out important to me?
- Why couldn’t I just live as a heterosexual and pretent to like it?
- Why do I desire the touch of a man/woman?
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