The Emotional Differences Between Men And Women – Part Two

couple
Love, Self

A man can take these statements personally, interpreting these statements as directed toward him. He may be tempted to respond with statements like:

  • “That is not true!”
  • “And you think I do nothing!”
  • “What’s wrong now!”

A man should also never say any of the following statements when his partner is stressed:

  • “You’re too sensitive!”
  • “You’re overreacting!”
  • “Is it that time of the month again?!” 

These statements hurt.  They minimize her issues, dismiss her emotions, make her feel unimportant, exacerbate the problem, and keep her down in her emotional well.

She isn’t trying to attack the man.  Her extreme statements mean she is under a lot of stress, she needs her feminine side nurtured and, in order to do, she needs to release.

What she needs from her partner is to offer help in the form of supportive listening, such as:

  • “You really do so much for this family.”
  • “You always work so hard.”
  • “I really appreciate all that you do.”

These supporting responses are a great way for a man to prove himself as a supportive partner.  The more understanding the partner, the faster a woman can climb out of her well.

“Make me number one.”  Expectations, needs, desires, and what we provide in our relationships are very different for men and women. We show our love in very different ways.

A woman needs to feel that she is number one on the man’s priority list. Some ways a man can show his partner that she is number one are:

  • Touch base with her during the day.
  • Take her out for a nice date, just the two of you.
  • Come home early from work to spend some time enjoying each other’s company.

When she is provided with these gifts of love, she feels fulfilled. She knows she is important to her man and she knows the man genuinely cares about the relationship.

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“It’s the little things that count.” A man and a woman score points with their partners with gifts of love and attention, but each score points very differently.  A man scores points according to the size of the gift.  Big gift equals many points; small gift equals fewer points. A woman gives one point per gift, regardless of its size.  For instance, when a man brings home a dozen roses, it is one point, not 12 points. One dozen roses will score as many points as one rose.

This distinction is important, because a man may think he is scoring many points when in actuality he is only scoring a few. A woman may be giving many little gifts of love and, in her mind, she is racking up the points while he is sitting on his few, though large, gifts.  She may feel that she is giving more to the relationship and not getting enough in return.  This imbalance may cause a woman to develop resentment and she may stop giving all together.  This resentment will kill the passion in the relationship and the couple will grow apart.

A man must start to score points by doing a lot of the little things, for instance:

  • Give her long loving hugs.
  • Compliment her out of the blue.
  • Open the car door for her.

It's magic when a man does little things for his partner.  Little things score points for the man and can enrich and reignite the passion in a relationship.

Men and women are very different and it can be very difficult to understand and accept our partner’s different set of emotional needs. When men and women try to satisfy their partner, but miss the mark because of these differences.  They may find themselves in a state of resentment.

If a couple feels continuously stuck, I suggest reading or listening to couple’s self-help books together. If frustrations persist, it may be necessary to seek professional counseling and get back on the path of understanding, communication, and happiness.

Richard Drobnick, LCSW, DCSW is the Director of the first Mars & Venus Counseling Center in Northern New Jersey with offices in Teaneck, Oradell, and Ramsey. He has been a practicing counselor/psychotherapist for more than 25 years. For more information on Richard Drobnick and the Mars & Venus Counseling Center, please visit www.marsvenusnewjersey.com or call 201-692-0508.