Why Your Divorce Is Like A Ginsu Knife

Heartbreak, Self

How a set of Ginsu Knives is just like your divorce.

Getting a divorce is very similar to buying a set of Ginsu Knives. Those Ginsus are everything you could ever have hoped for in a set of knives. They can cut through a tin can and still slice a ripe tomato without shredding it. Isn’t that amazing? A divorce can do that too. It cuts through all the bullshit you’ve had to put up with and leaves you smelling like a rose.    

Now, you might think twice about purchasing these knives. After all, the knives you have still work sometimes. And you’re used to them and you aren’t sure if you should get rid of them altpogether, even though they have definitely shredded more than their share of things. It’s a big step, trusting your future to something that looks all shiny and new from a distance. What if you regret it once you’ve made the call? But this is your chance to change your life, you tell yourself. And besides, the offer comes with a money back guarantee, so how could you go wrong?    

As the announcer continues with the hard sell, the more likely you are to be drawn in. And that’s because deep down inside you know you need this. You are so ready dump that old set of knives that you can’t help but pay attention. “But that’s not all you get!” the voice continues with abandon as it starts in on the laundry list of extras that comes with this amazing and brand new set of knives. Cooking will be a breeze once again as you get to eat whatever the hell you want. You’ll get to have your own way! You’ll never have to face those messy arguments again because you’ll be the one calling the shots. And your house will be free of football, farts and facial hair (that is, unless you like sports, eat beans excessively and fall dreadfully behind on your waxing regimen).           But that’s not all you’ll get! The voice continues. You’ll get your self-esteem back. Act now and we’ll double that offer! You’ll get more self-esteem than you will know what to do with! You’ll also get back control of the remote, be able to decorate your bathroom any way you like and you’ll be able to listen to something other than the Rolling Stones or Willie and Waylon. And just like the indestructible Ginsu, your divorce will last forever and will be delivered to your door via parcel post and you can stick it in a drawer and not have to worry about it again.

You’ll never need another set of knives, the announcer assures you and so-too, you’ll never need to get another divorce; at least not from this husband.