Perfectly Imperfect - Embracing Guys Who Embrace Your Flaws

Love, Self

Refusing to settle for guys who can't accept your quirks can change the way you view yourself.

What’s your biggest flaw?

I’ve got more than a few. Plenty, actually. As tempting as it might be to list them out right here for the entire world to see (oh wait, actually, that’s not tempting at all), I’ll stick to just one. I am, quite often, a complete and utter ditz. I’m sure I get it from my dad, whom I remember in my childhood – and, actually, still today -- walking around the house, frustrated, muttering in his Southern drawl, “I can’t find my cheaters,” which is his term for his glasses… and which are often on top of his head the whole time he’s walking around in circles, looking for them desperately.

Don’t get me wrong – my dad is an intelligent person, as am I (or at least, I like to think I am). He’s just occupied in other parts of his brain sometimes, and little details can be sort of bothersome. I totally get it. Which is probably why I’ve carried on the legacy, running around in an absolute tizzy every other time I need to leave my apartment but can’t, for the life of me, find my glasses, keys, wallet, purse, laptop charger, or whatever else I need for the day. And misplacing things is really just a simple example of my daily idiocy – on a grander scale, I have moments of intellectual ineptitude that make Jessica Simpson’s “is this chicken or fish” era look scholarly in comparison. And let’s not even talk about my driving.

I’ve been in relationships in which my being a space cadet wasn’t just a little hitch in my personality; it was a full-blown problem, at least in the eyes of the guy I was with. I’ve almost always dated people who are inherently more organized and orderly than I am, and that only draws out my quirks in even more stark contrast. Not long ago, I realized I've gotten used to being apologetic for things that are hardwired into who I am as a person... things that will probably never fully change, and yet aren't really that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. But still, because of past relationships with generally nice people who were only slightly intolerant of my imperfections, I let it get the best of me. Isn't that kind of idiotic in and of itself?

I’ve written a few posts this past year about breaking patterns, trying new things and refusing to fall prey to old routines that just aren’t working. I’ve talked about some of my more current dating experiences, but I’ve been a little vague about the particulars. It’s mostly because I don’t like taking a situation still in progress and committing it to black and white before it’s reached a conclusion and given me the opportunity to learn something from it.

But a couple of months ago, I was hanging out with someone I’ve been seeing for a while, sitting in his living room before dinner and recounting my day at work, when I remembered I wanted to show him something I’d brought. I jumped up, ran over to the dining room table where I’d left my purse, and dug into it, looking for whatever it was I wanted to show him. Although I found it immediately, I realized my keys didn’t appear to be anywhere inside my purse and flew into a full-blown freakout, thinking I’d left them God knows where... at home? Locked in my car (is that even possible)? At Starbucks?!?! Could someone have stolen them????? My heart started racing for about the 19th time that week, as it was probably the 19th time this little scene had played itself out, each time overwhelming me a little bit more and making me kick myself just a little bit harder for not having my life together as much as I’d like.

I plopped down into a heap on the floor and proceeded to turn the bag inside out, cursing out loud at myself for being such an idiot yet again. The display kept on for quite some time before I realized he was standing over me, looking down in amusement.

“You’re adorable,” he said, and he wasn’t being patronizing in the least. For whatever reason, I could tell he was completely taken by my frustration with myself and thought it was just about the cutest thing he’d ever seen. Because he knows how smart I am. He knows what I’m capable of. And my irritation with myself over stupid things that simply are what they are… well, evidently he thinks it’s charming.

As he was saying the words, I felt the sharp tip of my car key and couldn’t help but roll my eyes.

You know what? I think I might keep this one around for a while.


ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Amy Lynch is the community director for Pink Kisses ~ an online community founded by former television reporter, Ellie Scarborough to help women forget their exes and find their inner bombshells.