Friends with Benefits: Convenient or Crazy?


Despite what Hollywood says, no-strings-attached arrangements between friends can do serious damage.

Natalie and Ashton did it this year. Kristen Wiig did it with that dude with the Porsche in Bridesmaids. JT and Mila are totally doing it this summer. The whole friends-with-benefits thing is SO on trend.

But… is it healthy? And can it really be done with no strings attached? Have a seat. Let's talk.

At Pink Kisses -- a website dedicated to helping girls get through breakups -- we’re all about encouraging you to do your own thing, your own way, on your own terms. We’re not about to tell you how to live your life or what your sexual rules should be. That stuff is really personal, and like Pink Kisses founder Ellie Scarborough said in her recent post on the results of a national sex survey, it’s up to you – and no one else – to decide what’s right for you. But when it comes to something as sticky as “friends with benefits,” we have one universal rule of thumb:

Trust your gut.

We get emails all the time from girls who’ve gotten entangled in a “no strings attached” scenario, thinking they wouldn’t get hurt – thinking they were totally detached – thinking it was the perfect arrangement… until another girl entered the picture, or the guy changed somehow, or something unexpected happened and the whole thing got flipped upside-down. And all of a sudden the arrangement goes from “no-strings-attached” to “help-me-I’m-stuck-in-a-web-and-can’t-get-out.” Thing is, we’re human beings. We crave connections with the people around us. And if we’re physically attracted to someone enough to get intimate with them, and an emotional attachment has already been formed by way of a friendship, let’s face it: we’re playing Russian roulette with our emotions. Now, we’re not saying it’s impossible to pull off. We’re just saying it’s… highly unlikely.

Yes, yes, fellow bombshells… we know how much you love a challenge. We do too. That’s why it’s so tantalizingly tempting to get involved with someone you trust implicitly and think is kinda hot… since they’re “just a friend,” there’s something a little forbidden – and also a little convenient – about it. But honestly… how many friends do you know who got into a no-strings-attached arrangement, say, five years ago, who are now either a) a perfectly happy, highly self-actualized couple or b) still the best of pals, with zero sexual tension whatsoever, living completely separate romantic lives with no hurt feelings between them? Probably not many.

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This article was originally published at Shine. Reprinted with permission from the author.