When you get engaged to remarry after divorce or widowhood, it can feel surreal. After all, you most likely have been through grief and/or some kind of trauma as you dealt with the circumstances of your first marriage ending. As you experience joy and hope for the future again, you may get extremely caught up in the planning of your second wedding, otherwise known as encore wedding. Based on both my personal and professional experience as the publisher of RemarriageWorks , the go-to resource for remarriage and stepfamily living, I offer my top five tips remarrying brides should consider before they marry again. 1. Know yourself. I mean really know yourself. Understand what worked and didn't work in your first marriage . The more you address the baggage that you are bringing into your second marriage, the better. And, the baggage doesn't have to come from just your first marriage. There may be things from your childhood that you never unpacked the first time around. Empty every single suitcase and box you have before you haul them into your second marriage. 2. Communicate with your fiance' about your children and his children to the umpteenth degree. With 65% of remarrying couples bringing children into their marriage, that's a lot of talking. Two of the top reasons why remarriages fail are issues related to finances and children. /node/70625 Before we got remarried , my husband and I talked about finances. With five kids between us, we discussed our philosophies and approaches to their college educations. We checked it off the list, thinking we had thoroughly covered the subject; but, in hindsight, we agree that we didn't dive deep enough into the details beforehand. Talk, talk, and talk some more. You won't regret it. 3. Think about how to include your children in your wedding celebration. I know someone who didn't even invite his school-age children to his own wedding. The kids were crushed unbeknownst to him. Ask your child to walk you down the aisle or be in your wedding party. Or, give them some special attention at the wedding festivities. The point is to find a way to incorporate your kids into this memorable experience. The reality is that if you have children, you are indeed blending a family . There's no getting around it. /node/72872 More relationship advice from YourTango: /node/140807 /node/87899 /node/45236 4. Anticipate that some people may grieve on your special day. Most people coming into a remarriage and blended family will have been through some type of loss, either from divorce or death. Children grieve the breaking-up of their biological family. Extended family members grieve the loss of an in-law. Everyone goes through the grief process in his or her own way, at his or her own pace. Don't be surprised if on your wedding day, family members, you, or your spouse feel or express some kind of grief. My husband had been a widower when I met him. It never dawned on me that people who attended our wedding may express sadness, as well as joy. I wish I had thought of this beforehand. 5. Learn about as many resources for blended and stepfamilies as possible. Honestly speaking, raising a stepfamily can be really tough. Unfortunately, the divorce rate for second marriages is around 60-70 percent. But, don't let that deter you. Be positive and proactive. Seek out information and resources for remarried couples before you get married again. There are books, websites, such as RemarriageWorks , and even stepmom coaches to help you along the way. The needs of stepfamilies are very unique. Even if everything is going smoothly during your pre-wedding time together, don't let yourself be surprised by challenges that will likely come down the pike. Find out what is normal in stepfamilies beforehand, and increase your chances for success. /node/73197
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