Could It Be That I Am In Love?

Heartbreak, Sex

Is this love fantasy, lust, or real? Read on to find out…...

We are inundated each day on what falling in love is supposed to be like. Romance novels where the knight in shining armor, or the vampire saves the damsel in distress gives a false impression of what true love is. In the movies, couples dodge bullets, beat the bad guys up, and fall in love on a daily basis; a man and woman have a one night stand that turns into long, lasting marriage. If you really want to go overboard, watch a Disney movie!

Women especially buy into the fantasy relationship. Notice how I said fantasy? I love Anita Baker's song, "Fairy Tale". It gives ladies a reality check on what relationships really are. One of Anita’s song lyric says it all: "Reality steps into view." If you are waiting for Prince Charming to ride up in his white Cadillac to turn your life around, you have a long wait. Instead, get behind the driver seat of a pink Cadillac!

Here are some signs that you are in fantasy and/or lust land:

  • When we touch it is magical. Maybe you feel like this for today, but that is just Mother Nature getting you together to continue the human race. That feeling will not last forever.
  • It is meant to be, he is my soul mate. I hear this one all the time from my clients and you are not totally wrong. Your potential mate is in your life for a reason. We have many potential soul mates. Here is an important news flash: every relationship you have (that includes soul mate relationships) are in your life for you to learn and grow.
  • He will leave his wife/girlfriend for me. This rarely happens. I have read for a couple of hundred women who were involved with a man who was already in a committed relationship. What I picked up psychically was that only five percent of these women were with their life time partner. And it doesn't take a psychic to tell you that if he cheats on his wife/girlfriend, he will cheat on you.
  • When we met he said he didn’t want a committed relationship but he will for me. Bravo! The man was honest with you from the start. Shame on you for not respecting that and trying to force him to do something he doesn't want to.
  • I love him but he needs to change X, Y, and Z. That so-called love is very conditional. How would you feel if he tried to change something about you?
  • You have your entire relationship, wedding, children and future planned. You make plans, and God is going to laugh. It is good to have goals. Please talk about your dreams and feelings, but let the future unfold and make the choices at the proper time.

You are not a bad or horrible person if you have done any of the above. Fantasy and lust are a part of life. Add in Hollywood movies and romance novels and it causes confusion on what love is. My hope is that by writing about fantasy and lust signs that readers may be able to differentiate between the two more easily. 

These are signs that you are in good, healthy love:

  • You enjoy each other's company.
  • The conversation flows easily.
  • The moments of silence are comfortable.
  • You accept his flaws and don't try to change him.
  • You don't need to change to be with him.
  • You can be your authentic self with him.
  • You need time apart to do your own thing.
  • There is no need to worry about what he is doing when he is not with you.
  • You feel safe with him.
  • He is your best friend.
  • It doesn't matter if he is your soul mate, he is the one you want to be with, and couldn't imagine yourself with anyone else.
  • Sex is a bonus in the relationship, but not the big focus of it.
  • He is not in a committed relationship with anyone but you

Did I disappoint you with the above signs? Does it sound boring? The fantasy and lust that we often think of as love are exciting, addicting, chaotic, and often end in pain. Sometimes we need that for it to form real love. Love never stays the same; there are days when we feel more in love than others. I have personally experienced both. Lust/fantasy love will never measure up to being in love with someone where you feel safe, respected, loved, comfortable with someone who is your best friend. Now, that is love of a lifetime!

Pamela is an author, coach and psychic and is here to help you. To learn more, please visit

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