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Masculine energy gets a bad rap these days, but it has a positive side that can help love grow.
By Orna & Matthew Walters — Written on Nov 12, 2021
Masculine energy in relationships probably looks different than you'd expect.
Overall, masculine energy is the part of you that's goal-directed, assertive, and action-oriented. It's focused more on doing than on being.
Most people are using their masculine energy when they're at work and accomplishing goals.
Masculine energy is not about how physically strong a man is or how stoic. It's how he carries himself and treats the women in his life.
What does healthy masculine energy in relationships look like?
Healthy masculinity is about respect and integrity. It's the trunk that anchors the tree into the ground, allowing the leaves to dance in the wind.
Masculinity has been misunderstood and vilified recently because of unhealthy or toxic expressions of masculine energy. Toxic masculinity is focused on power and control. It wants to hold power over others and to control the feminine.
Healthy masculine energy is focused on developing inner power and strength and controlling the self, not others.
When boys are pressured to be more like a man by hiding their feelings, or when they believe they have to be tough to be respected, or when they view the feminine as weak, then they develop the behaviors and strategies of the toxic male.
How do you identify the difference between healthy masculine energy or toxic masculinity?
Here are 7 kinds of healthy masculine energy in relationships that inspire true love to grow.
1. He's comfortable with vulnerability.
It takes real strength and confidence to show someone your true feelings. Healthy masculinity embraces authentic expression and knows that vulnerability comes from inner strength.
Your man needs to be able to open his heart to you and reveal his inner thoughts and feelings. He knows that showing his emotional weaknesses doesn’t make him weak.
Instead, it creates the opportunity for deeper connection and creates trust in the relationship.
Look for a man who is in touch with his emotional life and has the ability to open up to you. He may not always have the language or wear his emotions on his sleeve, but he will be able to tell you how he feels when it's important.
2. He's grounded.
A man who is comfortable in his own skin and knows who he is will inspire you to feel grounded and safe.
Imagine that the masculine is the trunk of the tree and the feminine is the smaller branches, the leaves, and the flowers. A strong trunk supports the branches and leaves to dance in the wind and nurtures the flowers to bloom.
Grounded masculine energy gives you space to fully express your femininity. He is supportive of your emotional side and doesn’t feel threatened by your passion and intensity.
He appreciates how you soften him and connect him to his own feelings.
This is best expressed by watching two ballroom dancers. The male in the dance supports the female. He leads and holds the female as she beautifully twirls and turns around him.
This dance of the masculine and feminine energy in relationships allows for the strengths of both partners to be expressed and to be in harmony with one another.
3. He provides for you and makes you happy.
A man who is comfortable in his masculinity knows that his happiness comes from making you happy. He wants to provide the things you need to thrive.
This doesn’t mean that he needs to be the breadwinner or sole financial support.
He can provide through his ability to take care of things that you either don’t want to do or can’t do. He can provide emotional support and encouragement for you to pursue your career.
As long as he knows that his support brings you joy, he will be willing to give you what you need. He will be willing to honor your requests and work to meet your needs.
His power is his ability to please you and create an environment where you feel safe and taken care of. This doesn’t mean that you can’t be successful in your own right.
A man who is confident in his masculinity won’t feel threatened by a woman who is more successful than him. He will want to support you in creating your dreams alongside you.
4. He embodies integrity.
Do his words match his actions? Does he take responsibility when he makes a mistake? Can he apologize when necessary?
These traits come from a man who is living with integrity and comfortable with his masculinity. He's not afraid to be imperfect and will show you his weaknesses.
Integrity is key to living with healthy masculinity. It requires inner strength and confidence to live up to your values and beliefs. A man who is constantly swayed by those around him isn’t grounded in his own truth.
Defensiveness and blame-shifting are qualities of a man who isn’t confident in himself.
Integrity requires that you take responsibility for your actions. No one is perfect but everyone has the ability to fix their mistakes and apologize when they haven’t lived up to their standards.
5. He leads but is not rigid.
When a man takes charge in a relationship that means that he knows what he wants and is willing to take action to get it. He will ask you out in advance. He wants to claim you and take you off the market and ask for exclusivity.
However, this does not mean that he is so single-minded in his actions that he isn’t able to respond and change course when he is given feedback.
Toxic masculinity sees things only one way — his way. Healthy masculinity is able to adjust and change course when necessary.
Does he try to bulldoze you or overwhelm you with his love? Or is he curious to discover what you desire? Look for a man who knows what he wants and is flexible in his approach to getting it.
Ideally, each of you defers to one another’s strengths to create a strong bond.
6. He asks for and accepts help.
A man expressing healthy masculine energy knows that he doesn’t always have the answer. He is willing to accept help and may even actively seek out help. He knows that there is more strength in a team than there is in going it alone.
Your man may struggle and strive to solve his problems on his own, but he will also know when he can’t do it alone.
He won’t be afraid to ask for help and has no fear he’ll be perceived as weak when asking for assistance because he knows it takes true strength to admit needing help.
Is your man able to ask your opinion or help? Does he have mentors or friends that he can rely on? Does he read the instructions before he tries to put together the furniture you just bought from Ikea?
A man who can ask for help is confident in who is and willing to admit what he doesn’t know.
7. He's not obsessed with being right.
The need to be right is an unhealthy masculine trait. The desire to get it right is an example of healthy masculine energy.
Whether he is trying to please you, working to express his own feelings, or achieving a goal in his life, a man who is comfortable in his masculinity wants to get it right. He also knows that he isn’t always right.
A man comfortable in his masculinity is willing and able to give credit where credit is due, not obsessed with taking all the credit himself. He will strive to get things right and easily admit when he is wrong.
Look for these examples of healthy masculine energy when you're dating.
Encourage your man to step into his masculine by relaxing into your feminine energy.
Ultimately, you’ll find that you are happier and more relaxed in your relationships and able to trust the man you are with.
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Orna and Matthew Walters are Soulmate Coaches who have been featured guest experts on Bravo’s "The Millionaire Matchmaker." They're the authors of "7 Steps To Soulmating," which can be found on their website.
This article was originally published at creatingloveonpurpose.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.