7 Proven Steps To Finding Your Soulmate When You’re Truly Ready For A Serious Relationship
Try this new approach to finding true love.
getty If lasting love has eluded you, leaving you wondering how to find your soulmate, perhaps its time to take a new approach.
Even if you're ready for a serious relationship, finding your soulmate isn't easy.
Sure, there are people who met and fell in love with their high-school or college sweetheart. And from the outside, it looks like it's so easy for them to make love last.
And here you are, still floundering with your romantic relationships. Your mind keeps telling you that there must be something wrong with you.
RELATED: 10 Simple Ways To Use The 'Law Of Attraction' To Find Your Soulmate
We can assure you that there's nothing wrong with you!
Whatever pattern you appear to be stuck in — emotionally unavailable men, fear of intimacy, or the "friend zone" — is just a symptom of a strategy you learned at a very young age.
Well, guess what? You can learn new strategies!
Here are 7 proven steps to finding your soulmate.
1. Release your limiting beliefs about love.
Your beliefs about love are mostly formed during early childhood.
How you learned to receive love in your family of origin, the strategies you developed to feel loved and safe, and the emotional patterns you developed to cope all make up your personal system for love as an adult.
Discover these limiting beliefs and release the ones that no longer serve you to reach your goal.
Identify your mental and emotional patterns, and stretch outside your comfort zone to experience new ways of moving through strife and conflict.
Adjust your behavior to align with the results you want to experience, and release everything else.
Do you believe that the only way to get love is to sacrifice what you want and defer to your partner? That you have to let go of your independence and freedom in order to be in a lifetime partnership?
Maybe you think that if you work hard to prove that you are worth loving, your partner will reward you with the love you desire.
Or, perhaps you believe that you aren’t worth loving and often find yourself in relationships with unavailable partners.
These core beliefs aren’t the truth. You are inherently lovable and are deserving of love exactly as you are, right now, today!
You don’t have to prove it, earn it, or protect yourself from people who will take advantage of you. You only have to know that love is your birthright.
2. Get in touch with your inner child.
You’ve probably abandoned that little kid inside of you over the years. Maybe that child wasn’t loved the way they needed to be, and so they got quiet. And now as an adult, you hardly even notice that kid.
This happens because of the conflict between what you needed to feel loved as a child and the way your parents were capable of giving you their love.
You may have been raised by people who loved you dearly, but were not capable of showing love in a way that you could see and experience it.
This dichotomy between the way you were loved and the way you needed to be loved created a wound. As an adult, you have the opportunity to re-parent your inner child and heal these wounds.
Take your inner child on a weekly date to discover what she needs from you. Inner Child Dates™ are one of the most powerful healing tools for reconnecting with yourself and bringing you back to a state of wholeness.
Set aside two to three hours a week and ask your inner child what would bring her joy. It's your job as an adult to make sure that you have all the materials you need for your Inner Child Date.
Let your inner child express herself without any judgment from you.
Be careful that you don’t cancel your Inner Child Dates, because you could re-create the feeling of disappointment and abandonment that you felt as a child. These dates should be the most important thing on your calendar.
3. Practice forgiveness.
It’s likely you and your past romantic partners have made mistakes. Part of being human is making mistakes.
But holding onto them will block you from your soulmate. Forgive the past, but don’t forget the lessons.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you excuse the behavior, or that what happened was OK. What it does mean is that you release your anger and hurt in order to move forward in your life.
You can find compassion for the people that hurt you and forgive them. This doesn’t mean that you allow them back into your life. You can take it on a case-by-case basis.
You can also understand what caused your hurtful behavior and forgive yourself. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t strive to do better and become a better person
Forgiveness is a way of giving yourself and others grace for being human.
There's a saying that "Hurt people hurt people." Forgiving the people that have hurt you allows you to release the energetic emotional attachment to that person and the event.
4. Learn to communicate authentically.
It's difficult to get what you want in your relationships if you don’t know how to ask for what you want. Your soulmate will not come with mind-reading powers and an intuitive understanding of what you need.
You intuitively know that your soulmate is the person who is capable of loving you for who you really are. But in order to be loved for who you really are, you have to show up authentically.
Authentic communication requires you to speak how you feel. It requires you to ask for what you want. It also requires you to take responsibility for what is yours.
You are only responsible for 50 percent of your interactions with others. But you are 100 percent responsible for your 50 percent. No one "makes" you do anything.
You may feel triggered by another person’s behavior. But that trigger is yours.
When you communicate authentically and take responsibility for your triggers, then you can create a deep, intimate connection with your soulmate.
This is how you create the feeling you desire of being with a person who really understands you and gets you. It may always feel like a risk to be authentic and so you must practice it.
5. Get clear on what you really want.
When it comes to love, most adults are crystal clear on what they don't want. They don’t want to be cheated on, ghosted, treated with disrespect, or lied to.
What you really want is not the opposite of what you don't want.
Manifestation is the process of getting clear on what you want, creating a picture of it in your mind, and taking the steps necessary to bring it to life.
If you're focused on what you don’t want, then you will continue to manifest what you don’t want. What you focus on grows, so choose wisely.
Get clear on how your soulmate relationship will function. What is the dynamic that you desire between the two of you? How will you know that he loves you?
When you create a clear picture of your soulmate relationship, then it will begin to feel possible and probable that you can create it.
If you can’t see it, then you don’t know what steps to take to get there.
6. Cultivate discernment through the dating process.
Dating is mostly seen as something that you have to do in order to meet your soulmate.
Most people stop dating as soon as they meet someone they are attracted to, have some things in common with, and jump into a committed relationship. This is Dating Backwards™.
The person you’ve met is a stranger. Never put your lovability in the hands of a stranger.
And why give a stranger the benefit of the doubt? Slow down the dating process, use it as a tool to cultivate discernment, and don’t get physical or commit quickly.
When you take your time through the dating process, you begin to discover more about yourself and your strategies for finding love.
You also want to take time to discover the person you're dating, along with what their values are.
Chemistry and compatibility are important in a relationship, but having shared values is the glue that holds your relationship together over time.
You only discover what someone values by spending time with them. They may say that family is important to them, only to discover he doesn’t spend time with his family at all.
This behavior that tells you what's truly important to them, and whether or not the two of you are in alignment.
You cannot have a conversation in hypotheticals to discover what a person values. These things are discovered over time as you see and experience how a person spends their resources.
Where they put their energy, time, and money will reveal what is truly important to them.
7. Be the person you need to be, to attract who you desire.
Like attracts like. You'll want to focus on becoming the person you need to be in order to attract the type of person you desire.
You see, you meet your soulmate on your path to your highest and best self. It's this journey of personal and spiritual growth that attracts someone who meets you at your level.
If you want to know how to find your soulmate, then become your own soulmate.
Love yourself. Treat yourself with compassion and kindness. Forgive yourself when you make mistakes.
You don’t get love from another person — you share the love with another person. It's the love you have for yourself that you see reflected back to you in your beloved’s eyes.
Being perfect or doing things perfectly is not what having long-lasting love is all about. You’ll never be perfect, but you'll be the perfect match for someone.
The journey to your soulmate is the most rewarding journey you will ever make.
Break the patterns that have become blocks to the lasting love you desire, so you can spend your life with your soulmate by your side.
Orna and Matthew Walters have been soulmate coaches for over a decade and helped thousands of readers create long-lasting love. Download a complimentary copy of their ebook, Recognizing Mr. Right, along with a guided program on self-acceptance from their website.