SEX: Compatibility. Consequences. Timing.


Before engaging in sexual activity, consider these 3 issues: Compatibility. Consequences. Timing.

I recently wrote an article entitled, “Compatibility: 11 Point Checklist Challenge” (https://www.yourtango.com/proconnect/201064124/dating-compatibility-11-point-checklist-challenge). I deliberately left the category of sexual compatibility off my checklist. My rationale for doing so hinges on one reason: the topic of sex and sexual compatibility deserves a separate, more in-depth discussion. Sexual compatibility is a benchmark for long-term relationship success. In order for a relationship to thrive, both people should share a similar level of passion and interest for sex, and sexual exploration. Compatibility aside, when discussing sex, the issue of timing is equally as important.

In general, men and women have opposing perceptions regarding sexual readiness. The majority of men would like to have sex immediately (give them a break ladies, its physiology), while most women would like to wait for a certain amount of time to pass before committing to sex. Guys, I’m sure you already know this, but I would like to take this opportunity to restate the obvious… Women take longer to determine sexual readiness because of two fundamental factors: safety and self-preservation. A woman must feel safe in order to engage in sexual activity, but she also knows she needs to protect her heart from becoming vulnerable.

To the women in the dating marketplace wondering how to protect your heart from vulnerabilities, I would like to say this: beware of falling down the sexual rabbit hole before it is the right time for you and your standards. Once you’ve had sex, you can never revert back to life before sex. Someone has seen you naked, this is permanent and irreversible. Tread cautiously when considering sex… Are you looking for a one-night-stand? Are you are in search of a serious relationship? Determine if you are absolutely ready to give your body to someone. Because when a man has seen you in the buff, he will (initially) have a difficult time remembering you clothed… He will be in full pursuit, hungry for your next naked rendezvous. This is a compliment, but may purpose a challenge if you are not truly comfortable with the timing of your sexual encounter. (And if the sex was disappointing, that’s a different topic for a different day.)  So you can try to climb out of the sexual rabbit hole, but it will be fruitless; sex is not reversible. Moreover, anyone who tells you there is no such thing as “sex without consequences” has never had sex.

To the men in the dating marketplace looking for love, I’d like to say this about sexual readiness: I don’t care how revved-up you are, tone it down until you get the green light. Be patient; when it comes to sexual timing, wait for a woman’s signal… Your sexual eagerness is different from a woman’s, and the consequences of having sex are not the same for you as it is for her. The obvious consequences women are confronted with (just to name a few) are pregnancy, pernicious feminine STD’s, and the possibility of being perceived as a slut. The emotional consequences can be much greater… Take this into consideration the next time you are looking to dive down the sexual rabbit hole. Acting too soon could be counterproductive to your dating mission. An overzealous sex drive may scare her off; you might lose out on a solid relationship opportunity.

A healthy sex life is one of the best aspects of adulthood. Sex is also one of the greatest benefits of being in a compatible, stimulating relationship or marriage. However the issue of timing is important; beware of having sex too prematurely. When in doubt, ask yourself these questions before engaging in any type of sexual activity with your partner: Am I ready for the responsibilities of sex? Is the timing right? Am I prepared for the consequences? Do my partner and I share the same feelings about sex and sexual exploration? The decision to have sex is a personal choice; never let anyone force you into a situation which is unacceptable to you and your standards.