Does He Really Love Your Success?


The right guy will celebrate your victories and not turn the positive into a self-esteem issue.

As a relationship coach, I have talked to countless professional women who believe the men they attract are intimidated by their success or envious of it. Their relationships soon turns into a battle of egos: who has the more demanding position; who should be given the most slack in love; or whose time is more important struggle, whether those words are spoken or implied.

In many relationships, it is the woman who takes a backseat to her guy’s career and aspirations with the thinking that his dreams and goals are more important and have more significance. The truth of emotionally healthy, mutually fulfilling relationships is the mutual support of each other’s life plan.

In a recent study published by the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers concluded that a male’s self-esteem was lower when a partner succeeded than when a partner failed, whereas a woman’s self-esteem was not. The researchers also concluded that a male automatically interpreted his partner’s success as his own failure, even when not in direct competition.

It is imperative that you select a supportive relationship partner where you reciprocate in encouraging his goals. The key to attracting the right man will be your preparation in how you view traditional roles in love. In my recent book, What To Look For In A Man, chapter two discusses relationship patterns and how imperative it is to be aware of the type of person you tend to attract in love.

There is room in a relationship for each person to achieve the goals and desires they strive for in their career. The foundation for this should be a mature structure to the relationship, whereas both agree that commitment to each other needs mutual nurturance. 

One person cannot draw out the “I can’t do the mundane chores because my job is more important than yours.” or “I earn more money, therefore I get a pass on contributing to the relationship.” or “You have to be understanding when I cancel at the last minute or forget to show up for (dates, xyz event, etc.) because I am under lots of stress to perform at work.” None of these excuses for not contributing to a committed relationship should not be acceptable to either person.

You can take proactive steps toward attracting the right man, starting today. You do not have to settle for guys who make you feel like a low priority ... and I can show you the process of how to avoid these types of men from now on.

As a Christian relationship coach, I suggest the smart career woman look for the following when dating men she is considering for a long term relationship:

He is secure. The right man will be confident in himself, rejoice when you reach your milestones, and is emotionally supportive of your dreams. He is a positive sounding board and does not go into rescue mode when you face work related challenges. He is confident you can rise to the occasion and figure out the solution, but open to give his advice when you desire it.

You respect his opinion. You value his judgment, wisdom and experience and are not so full of pride that you cannot ask and then listen to his take on navigating through work related issues and office politics. Working together as a team, you have unique insight and perspectives that help one another reach your goals.

You stop selecting men you can control. Many professional women I coach have the tendency to be highly attracted to men who are passive and are easy for them to manipulate emotionally. They shy away from equal relationships subconsciously, which becomes a point of contention later on. You change your norm in love to one that is beneficial and causes you to rise higher emotionally, spiritually and in your aspirations. In many ways, you become each other’s accountability partner.

The researchers in this study found an important relationship challenge that has more dimensions to it. The truth always starts with oneself and the particular mindsets each person has going into love. If you believe the men in your life will find your success a threat, that will manifest and become what you experience. The good news? You can change your relationship pattern, no matter what you have been through in love and make your new norm one that will be loving, mutually supportive and satisfying on all levels.

Nancy Pina is a highly recognized author, relationship coach and speaker. She is dedicated to helping individuals attract emotionally healthy relationships through her practical, Christian-based advice. Get the free report: Is He the Right One? and learn about coaching options Nancy has to offer or schedule a complementary coaching session.