So you've taken the leap and are making wedding plans. You're excited, exhilarated, but nagged by some uneasy feelings because of his eating habits. You're not perfect, but at least you know that what and how you eat is important, and you're consciously, consistently trying to improve your own eating habits. He, on the other hand, could care less, and routinely inhales junk food. Relationships affect food, food affects relationships. Sex is certainly a prime focus in relationships, especially new ones. Yet overall, we're in the kitchen more than we are in the bedroom. And surprisingly, our food — habits, attitudes and even the hormones stimulated by it — can definitely impact dating and marriage interactions … for both sexes. Nathan Thomas , a male vegetarian in his mid-thirties, shares, "The women I dated who didn't cook and ate a lot of processed food were generally more unhealthy. They struggled with mood swings, sugar cravings, weight and got sick more often than I did. And other things. The point here is that if things are too out of balance in one area of a person's life, it can impact everything else, including your relationship." Usually, though, the shoe is on the other foot. More often than not, it's the female who's more focused on the couple's health and concerned about her partner's eating habits. One thing most married women will tell you, though, is don't get your expectations up too high. Don't bank on his changing. And don't fall prey to that starry-eyed illusion that almost all of us as fiancés get seduced into believing, which is: "He loves me so much, he'll want to change for me." Or even more disastrous, "I'll change him once we're married ... " Uh huh. The reality is that even if you have great intentions to help him, eating together can influence your own eating habits as well. Dietitians at Britain's Newcastle University reviewed seven studies looking at the diets of men and women after they began living with a partner and discovered that women were more likely to fall into bad eating habits and gain weight when they started living with a man — even though they encouraged their lovers to eat more healthfully. Moving in together was the main cause of weight gain for 13% of the women in the survey. Ironically, the men seemed to benefit more from their girlfriends' and wives' good food attitudes by eating more real food, fresh vegetables and fruit, less meat, so they were more likely to lose weight! This could be true, as the researchers suggest, because we're more apt to try and please one another when we first live together by changing our diets. But as things progress in long-term relationships, the tendency for partners to influence each other's eating patterns increases even more and not always for the positive. Keep reading ... Sign up for YourTango's newsletter ! More couples advice from YourTango: /node/97812 /node/59645 /node/135862 You tend to eat more as a couple . For one thing, you eat out more. You share appetizers or desserts, encouraged by many of the "two-fer" restaurant specials. Eating out on weekends or with family on special occasions makes it easier to indulge, to be more lax, compromise and splurge on calories or carbs you might not otherwise tend to order, if you were eating solo. With hectic schedules, just being together with some intimate time to share can be reason to celebrate with rich, succulent food and seductive wine. Nothing wrong with that! It just all adds up. Stress is rampant in our culture. It stimulates fight or flight chemicals that create cravings for sweets, starches, coffee, tobacco and alcohol, part of an addictive blood sugar roller coaster that's fueled by poor nutrition. Processed foods spike blood sugar. The body secretes insulin to compensate, but in the process, the drop in blood sugar creates more cravings, and gut-busting cortisol that creates belly fat and overtaxes the adrenal glands. Vicious circle. The problem isn't just health. This roller coaster affects mood, energy and even sexual hormones, according to Men are from Mars author, John Gray, as he explains in his new book Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice . When the body's so busy dealing with out-of-control blood sugar, it stops producing the restoring testosterone and dopamine hormones your man needs to recoup, have energy and be at his best. That's why he retreats to chill in his cave or lounges in front of the TV. So sugar and junk foods not only undermine his digestion, blood sugar and energy, but his manhood and your relationship. And we've been blaming men for being men! Hormones have us. According to Gray, the answer isn't just healthier, real foods but also understanding how these hormonal gender differences play in our interactions with each other. Women are fueled and calmed by the hormone oxytocin versus testosterone, stimulated and restored by nurturing and being nurtured. The same things happen with us. Too much stress from working in a man's world — plus a second shift at home — ramps our testosterone, puts us women on fire and edge, unable to calm down without the supportive help of our balanced serotonin and oxy hormones, honeys or husbands. But good lifestyle choices — both blood sugar-balancing whole foods, attitudes and activity — plus understanding of our physical, emotional and hormonal differences as partners can help us not only cope with living in a crazy world but can also bring us back together at home, supporting each other with healthier eating , healthier and happier interactions as a couple.
