Are You Too Focused On Romance? Is That Okay?

Is it time to look at your behavior around dating and romantic relationships? Is it working for you?

Have you ever wondered if you are a "romance addict"?  Do you sometimes feel out of balance as far as romantic relationships go? When you read my article, do you agree or disagree with my reactions? Think about it and come to your own conclusions.

Here's my story from a few years ago. Les had read one of my monthly columns from Active Singles Life and called me that week. We'd talked several times since and I felt a real connection, a soul kinship. Never mind that I've felt this several times before in the 24 years since I had divorced. Hey, some of those became wonderful romances that lasted as long as both of us were growing and valuing each other's path and process. I've stayed friends with several of those men who valued our friendship.

Well, the "hope bug" bit me again. I'd met Les for the first time that afternoon. I wanted to record my feelings to either moon and sigh over them down the road, or to shake my head and say "Moreah, Moreah, you just can't help yourself, can you?" It's very reminiscent of how I had felt for several months with a man whom I'd communicated with on the Internet for a year and then met one October when I was at the International Coaching Conference in Orlando. George and I spent three days at Disney World and filled up at several buffets, but I knew within hours after we met that this would go nowhere. So I carried that experience as I tried to temper my anticipation.

What is interesting is that though I knew he wasn't slender, I really liked what we'd talked about and the soul I'd experienced in him. He wanted to record some of Kahlil Gibran’s poetry and was waiting for copyright permission. We'd talked of Thomas Carlyle and John Stuart Mill and their opposing views on slavery as well as about our mutual appreciation of Walsch's Conversations with God. Though it sounds inane to say it, I had felt wooed and courted by this man I'd never met.

Now the truth is, either there would or wouldn't be chemistry or even the potential of it. In either case, I believed we would be friends. And true, at that time I wanted to make room in my life for a romantic partner rather than for new friends. As busy as Les and I both were, even if there were romance, we might not have spent a lot of time together. But ("she said as though infatuated") even 10 minutes of phone closeness was immensely satisfying.

What I find amusing, looking back, is that I had just joined as one of many "experts" on relationships. I remember rating some of the answers I'd read by other "experts" on the question "How do I know if I'm in love?" I clucked and shook my head when I read "you can't sleep…all you do is think of him/her…you want to be with him/her all the time…" That, I said to myself at the time, is infatuation, not love. Physician, heal thyself? Oh well, in the meantime, I'm going to enjoy being …not an addict—the thesaurus gave me a better word… a romance enthusiast. Ah, my heart. . .

Now, looking back these many years, I have mostly contented feelings about the relationships I've been in.  For me, as long as we're both honest and open and caring, living what we believe is a mutually loving and growthful relationship, I believe we can relax a bit when we question ourselves about going overboard in our enthusiasm.  Yes, be responsible about our partner and our career and any obligations we have, and yes, be clear whether this lover nurtures our heart and spirit and whole self.  After that, if you feel in integrity with your values, join me as a romance enthusiast!

And if you'd like a free 30-minute coaching session around relationships and communication and what matters to you, call me at 206-938-8385.  Have fun!