3 Things To Do If You're In Love With A Man Who's Already Taken
Want him to leave her? Try this.
getty A man and woman fall in love... but then she finds out he has something to hide. The reality: you're having an affair with a man who's already "taken" — maybe he's got a girlfriend or is a married man.
The love that you share is so intense, unlike any other love that either of you has ever experienced, maybe more than anyone else in the whole history of the world has ever experienced. The problem is that he already has another woman in his life. How do you get a man to leave his wife or girlfriend?
Men cheat and have mistresses, and sometimes eventually leave their wives. Men cheat because they don't feel happy in their relationship, are searching for something new and exciting, or no longer feel that emotional connection to their partner. That's when men go looking for a physical or emotional affair.
No matter how you spin it, though, being with a married man can be the epitome of complicated.
Will a man leave his wife for another woman?
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Men make a lot of promises to their mistress. He says he will leave his wife, but only after he gets through this tough project at work, or once she gets a raise, or once the school year is through, or when the cows come home.
The thing is, he says these things over and over during a long period of time, but nothing ever happens. And you're frustrated, to say the least.
How do you know if a man will leave his wife for you? There are a few ways to tell.
Good signs are if he spends more time with you than his wife, actively makes plans to see you again, and cares about your feelings. If he does these things, there's a good chance he will leave his wife; however don't count your chickens before they hatch, as the saying goes.
The truth is that most married men don't leave their wives for their mistresses. So, how do you get a guy who is cheating on his wife to follow through on all the promises he's made and finally leave his wife for you?
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How to Get a Man to Leave His Wife for You:
1. Stop having sex with him.
The sex is amazing. The best you have ever had. Him, too. And the thought of giving it up is just devastating.
Or, maybe you think that if you continue to give him this mind-blowing sex, he will one day realize he can’t live without you, go home, and tell his wife that he's gone. Unfortunately, that’s not going to happen.
You know the phrase, "Have your cake and eat it, too"? That’s what’s happening here.
No matter what they say, men are mostly motivated by sex. If he can have great sex with you whenever he wants, and still be safely married and living at home, why wouldn’t he?
Breakups are hard. Divorce is even harder. It's hard on the finances, hard on the kids, and hard on the lifestyle. If he can have sex outside his marriage and stay with his wife, he will. Period. No matter what he says otherwise.
2. Stop talking to him on the phone.
Your conversations are amazing. He tells you how wonderful it is to finally find someone that he can really talk to. Someone who really understands him. He lives for these phone calls. They make his day.
And, of course, because like all women you want to save him, you love this role you play. The woman who loves and supports him, and who can be his life jacket when he's drowning.
You think, "If I can just be there for him, supporting him, and loving him, one day he will realize that we are meant to be together, and he will go home and leave his wife." Or, he can use you as a life raft to keep from drowning and still go home and watch "Game of Thrones" with his wife. The two of them side by side on the couch. Maybe eating ice cream together. Doesn’t that sound nice?
Don’t kid yourself. All that support you give him isn’t going to make him wake up and appreciate you. He's a man, and that man feels entitled to have you.
Bonus: Don't interact over social media, either.
3. Stop gracing him with your presence.
Some women truly believe that if they stop seeing their lover, he will forget them and never leave his wife. This just isn't true.
You are a life-buoy for your lover. You provide him love, sex, companionship and respite from an unhappy marriage. If you're suddenly gone, he will be without that safety device and start to miss you.
You know the saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"? That should be the motto that all women live by. It's simple — don't spend time with him.
Men want what they can’t have. That’s the hunter in them. So, if you don’t give your man your physical presence, he will miss you and perhaps even value you more in your absence. And maybe, just maybe, consider leaving his wife to get you back.
Hopefully, by now that you get the gist of what it’s going to take to get the man you love to leave the woman he's committed to. You removing yourself completely and totally is the only way it will happen.
Here's the thing: Your lover is either going to leave his partner, or he isn’t. There's nothing that you can do or say that will make him do so before he's ready. If he ever is ready.
So, if you're frustrated by the life that you're living, the life of the other woman always waiting for her man to be available, you have to make a choice.
You can stand around long-term and wait for him, be his life raft and his sex partner. Perhaps, someday, he will be yours. But most likely he never will be. Or, you can dig out your pride from the dark closet it has been stored in, get a backbone, and walk out of his life. If you do so, you will show him that you're a woman worth fighting for, not someone who will sit idly by, making sure that her man is okay.
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What if he doesn’t realize? What if he never leaves his wife?
Then good riddance. If he was ever going to do it, he would have left his wife by now.
Who wants a man who makes promises that he doesn’t keep, who doesn’t value what an amazing woman you are, who takes his life for granted, not realizing that he's wasting precious time being unhappy.
And you, by walking away, will be given the chance to live your life and find a man who doesn’t use you as a flotation device, who rocks your world sexually and treats you like a queen.
Because you will find the perfect guy. But only if you're out there available to be found.
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based certified life coach and mental health advocate. Her writing has been published in The Huffington Post, Prevention Magazine, The Good Man Project, among others. Visit her website for more.