Preparing to love again: readiness to love after loss

Preparing to love again: readiness to love after loss

If someone dear to you has died, you know how painful it is. Your grief journey can last much longer than others may expect it to. At some point you come out of the dark fog of despair and decide that life is worth living, and even enjoying. When you get to that point, especially if you were happily attached to your lost loved one and you enjoyed being married, you may start thinking about finding love again.

If you were together for decades, you may not think it is possible to love someone other than your spouse. The truth is you are able to love again while continuing to hold onto your love for your late spouse. It is more a question of whether you are willing to explore the possibility of loving someone new.

If you are willing and interested in finding love after loss, you may have no idea how to begin. I submit that the most important place to begin is within yourself. Your late spouse loved you and accepted you as you were. That does not mean you are perfect, just loved. You and your late spouse may have had many years to accept each other and accept those imperfections that made you both lovable to each other (even if you still got on each others nerves!).

When seeking a new love, it is really important to examine your behaviors and get to know who you are inside and out. Look at your best and worst qualities. Think about the things you and your late spouse argued about. These are things that are likely to repeat with a new person, so now is the time to do some behavioral housekeeping.

Once you have made note of the behaviors you need to modify, you can address what you require for a relationship to work. I have written many other articles about Requirements, Needs, and Wants, and I will do so again, but not here. This article is all about you.

I encourage you to get a notebook and write your insights about yourself and the behaviors that you would like to modify. Here are some questions to get you started:

1. What are my best qualities? (Think about what people admire about you and what you are proud of about yourself and your behavior)
2. What are the things my late spouse and I used to argue about repeatedly? (Could be a hint of some things you need to modify)
3. What beliefs do I hold about myself that are negative or self-limiting?
4. What small steps can I take to modify just one of my behaviors or thought patterns that could stand an adjustment?

Take it slow and only work on one thing at a time. Otherwise, you will burn out and get discouraged. If you would like to do some coaching around finding love after loss, I would love to offer you a complimentary Get Acquainted session. Check out my 7 step program at http://fromlosstoloveagain.com.