The Fat Lady Has Sung: How to Know When It's Really Over


Sometimes an ex is worth a second chance, and sometimes it's time to move on.

In this blog, we talk a lot about reconciling with your ex: this is because reuniting with an ex has a lot of benefits, benefits that can actually make the second time be a charm. However, this isn’t always the case…not every relationship is a Ross and Rachel, some of them are a Sam and Diane; they are never meant to end in happily ever after.

Having said that, there are a handful of signs that you and your ex should be a past and not a present or a future. Some of these signs include:

You are happy with someone else/they are happy with someone else: If you are happy with someone else or they are happy with someone else, there is a good chance your relationship needs a permanent headstone. The truth of the matter is that not every two people are destined to make it: if you have moved on or they have moved on, it speaks volumes. This, of course, is only true if you are really happy with someone else, and not merely pretending that you are.

The relationship wasn’t healthy: A lot of relationships can have unhealthy aspects – maybe she’s a little too bossy or he’s a little too standoffish – but reconciling a relationship that is marked by more bad than good is one that is about as smart of an idea as a sequel to Showgirls.  So, if you were in a relationship where you always fought, there was physical or emotional abuse, or you genuinely did not love or care for each other, it’s time to let it go for good. In the long run, you’ll be glad you did.

You can’t find a common ground: Sometimes, searching for a common ground in a relationship can feel like searching for the Fountain of Youth or Big Foot: in other words, it can be hard to find. Yet, this search is important: you and your partner need to have common ground in regards to the big things. This isn’t to say that you can’t ever disagree, but when it comes to the big things – wanting kids, where you’ll live, values and morals – your relationship will be stronger if you have joint ideals. Perhaps this is due to the fact that, without common ground, the relationship has nothing solid to stand on.

You feel nothing: So, it’s been two months since you and your partner called it quits. You’ve yelled, you’ve cried, you’ve purposely scratched up the CD collection they left in your hall closet. In short, you’ve been emotional. But, now that time has passed, you feel nothing: you feel no love, no anger, no hate, no regret. Perhaps you even see your ex out and about – their arms around a member of the opposite sex – and you feel zero jealously. If your anger and love have been replaced by apathy, it’s a good bet that you and your ex should be over for good. This is because feeling apathetic towards someone simply means you no longer care and, without caring, the relationship is DOA.

Neither of you is willing to change: One of the most difficult things about relationships is that they involve two people who have been single for a long amount of time. Say, for instance, you pair up around the age of 22: this means for 22 years you have been a singleton, concerned only with your wants, your needs, and your ultimate happiness. Once you become a couple, the focus on yourself must change; it’s no longer about you, it’s about “us.” If you are unable to do that – or your partner is unable – then being an “us” simply might be a "bust."

To learn more about getting back together with an ex, click here.