Is it better just to be honest with someone if there is no attraction?
I often get calls from guys regarding “flaky” girls. I heard three frustrating stories in one week. The first one is about a very sweet gentleman named Joe who had a date set with Cindy. Cindy even confirmed by calling Joe to ask if they could meet one hour later that night because she had something to do. He complied and went to pick her up at 7:45 p.m. He arrived at her door; knocked, there was no answer. He knocked some more and even called her name. The lights in the house were on and the dogs were barking. Joe got on his cell and called her. There was no answer. She totally stood him up. He was so frustrated!
The next guy, Peter had a second date set for a Saturday night with Pamela. He arrived at her house with a bouquet of roses. He knocked on the door, no answer. He called her on his cell and she answered, she told him that she had her period and could not go out. He said that he heard noise in the background like she was in a restaurant. He was furious!
Then there is Scott. He had a Monday night date set with Julia. They spoke on Friday, decided on the time and place. She actually insisted on a certain restaurant that she was familiar with and he said fine, see you there at 7:00 p.m. Scott called Julia on Sunday just to confirm, he got her machine so he left a message that he would see her the next night. She did not call him back, so the next night he went ahead and got a babysitter for his son, drove twenty miles to meet her and she never showed up or even called. Needless to say he was angry, frustrated and hurt.
Lately I have been giving a lot of thought as to why in our society people are so afraid of being honest. Why are we not just able to say “Look, you’re probably a super nice guy, but I just don’t care for your voice on the phone and I don’t think that I want to meet you after all.” Or, I had a really great time with you, but I don’t feel any physical chemistry. Thanks for everything, I wish you the best.” But instead, we stand people up, avoid their calls or make up silly excuses. We are so worried about hurting someone’s feelings or looking like “the bad guy” that we do not allow ourselves to be authentic and honest. I have been on both ends myself. I used to make up stupid stories to get out of going on a date with a guy. I also remember really liking a certain guy that I had been out with a couple of times. We had a date set one evening. I was really excited. I got all dressed up and was sitting there waiting. He was supposed to pick me up at 7:30. Well, 7:30 came and went, and so did 8:30, 9:30 and 10:30. I went to bed in tears. We should be able to communicate with each other. I am certain that there is a way in which we can be honest yet tasteful and caring at the same time.
I once introduced a couple, Will and Lena. Will was crazy about Lena, after their first date, he e-mailed me and listed all of the wonderful things about her and how excited he was to get to know her better. He said that there was definitely chemistry. Lena also expressed how much she liked Will and was excited to see him again. Lena was 44 and Will was 65. Age was not a problem for Lena as she liked older men. A few weeks went by, they had seen each other a few times. Then I got an e-mail from Will asking me if I had any feedback for him regarding Lena, he felt that she had cooled a bit. I gave her a call and she told me that although he was fabulous and had all of the qualities that she was looking for in a man, he was almost a dead ringer for her father, She said that it was not the age, it was his looks and even the way he carried himself. She just could not “go there.” She told me that she was planning to call him and make-up some excuse like she met someone else, or that she was just too busy to date now. I asked her “Why not just tell him the truth? He can’t help it if he looks like your father, he would appreciate knowing the real reason, I am certain of it.” “Well,” she said, “I don’t want to hurt his feelings, so maybe I should make something up.”
Ladies, Will would have been disappointed either way, whether Lena told him the truth or made something up, so why not just be honest? Men really appreciate being told the truth, it helps them with dating in the future and they respect a woman who is honest.
The old adage, “Honesty is the best policy” really is true.