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You can get things back on track.
By Marilyn Orr — Written on Apr 24, 2018
Falling in love may be easy, but maintaining lasting love takes work and intention. As our relationship ages and life gets busy, what came so easy to us before may start feeling tough.
Whether you're in a rough patch, dealing with stress, or simply not connecting much anymore, it's important to take action and learn how to fix your broken relationship before it's too late.
Learning how to fix a relationship when it's losing its spark will not only make your relationship stronger, it will make it better, too.
Here are 6 ways to repair your relationship, no matter what life throws your way:
1. Schedule regular date nights.
There is the good old standard "date night" practice, but in order for it to be effective, your date needs to include some real connecting, not just practical "getting stuff done" activities.
Think about what would make a great date for you and your partner. Maybe ask yourself, "What was one of our favorite dates together?" and recreate the experience.
2. Do regular check-ins.
Regular check-ins are great for re-adjusting and catching bad patterns before they settle in. Try scheduling them around anniversaries or birthdays, as an easy reminder to do them yearly.
Here are some questions to ask your partner:
- "What is going well in our relationship?"
- "What have we stopped doing that would be great to do again?"
- "What should we be doing less of?"
- "What else needs to change moving forward?"
- "What is the one thing you would like less of from me?"
- "What one thing would you like more of from me?"
3. Get support for your relationship.
Find a coach or therapist that you commission to check-in with you both regularly. This will help you proactively evaluate how your relationship is going and make adjustments as needed. As our relationships progress and we grow as individuals, how we relate to each other changes, too.
Another trap long-term couples can fall into is letting patterns and beliefs from childhood get triggered and reappear. Eventually, we start to relate to each other out of these old, unhealthy patterns that we may not even be aware of.
That's why having someone who knows you both and as a couple can be an incredible resource for supporting your relationship.
4. Take responsibility for your well-being.
For the health and happiness of your relationship, you must also make a commitment to yourself. Knowing that you are in charge of your own well-being and making choices to make sure your needs are met will benefit your relationship.
If we mistakenly think our partner is responsible for meeting all of our needs, we end up being co-dependent, bitter, and angry. What you do for each other in your relationship is wonderful, but ultimately, your well-being is your own responsibility.
5. Do personality assessments.
Having a personality or style assessment done can give you new information about each other and about yourselves. You can review them together and apply the results to your relationship to see where your strengths and challenges as a couple come from.
6. Go on a couple's retreat.
Attend a couple’s retreat to reinvigorate your connection. Simply setting aside time to focus on your relationship and the conversations that everyday life don’t allow for is powerful!
Marilyn Orr, MA, CEC, PCC is a relationship coach with Luv Life Coaching, passionate about equipping couples with the tools for real and lasting intimacy. Is Luv Life Coaching an appropriate next step for you? Take their online questionnaire to find out.
This article was originally published at Luv Life Coaching blog. Reprinted with permission from the author.