Loneliness Only Brings More Loneliness

Love, Heartbreak

If you want a relationship to cure your loneliness, then you'll only invite more loneliness.

There are many reasons why people want a relationship. Some people are looking for fun and adventure. Some are looking for security (financial or emotional). Others are looking for monogamous sex. But for many people, the driving reason behind wanting a relationship...is to not feel lonely.

Despite the advances in communication we have experienced in recent years (from Facebook to texting to online dating apps), many people still feel disconnected and alone, even amongst a group of friends. To cure this loneliness, they often turn to the comfort of a relationship. After all, logic dictates that having some other person beside you will dissipate any loneliness by definition.

But herein lies the great paradox: Getting into a relationship to avoid feelings of loneliness will only bring you more loneliness! The Law of Attraction states that whatever you are feeling will resonate and be attracted to you. So if you are resonating at a place of loneliness, then you will only be attracting more loneliness.

But how can that be, if another person is physically present? Well, ask yourself: Am I really being fulfilled by this relationship? Those feelings of loneliness come from a place deep inside of you that is looking to be fulfilled. But no one can fulfill that need but you. If you jump into a relationship just to fill a physical space, or to fill this need, then you are setting an impossible task for your new boyfriend—he will not be able to fill that need.  And you will be left with an ongoing feeling of emptiness...and loneliness.

The only way to avoid this pervasive feeling of loneliness is to understand and be conscious of the need that is looking to be fulfilled, and then doing the necessary inner work to fulfill that need. Once you realize and are able to fulfill your own needs, then you are free to select a boyfriend for reasons that simply enhance your experiences of joy and happiness (the "icing on the cake" if you will). So before you jump into that next relationship, understand your needs and learn how to fulfill them. Then your feelings of loneliness will dissipate.

More advice on abandonment issues from YourTango:

This article was originally published at Gay Love Project. Reprinted with permission from the author.