Goldilocks and the 3 Condoms


Lucky Bloke offers a fun and frisky update to the classic tale, where size really does still matter!

Here at Lucky Bloke: the Ultimate Condom Subscription Service we know how much size really does matter.  

Once upon a time there was a darling, young girl named Goldilocks and she…Oh, wait.  You’ve already heard her story?  Okay, that’s great.  It means we can jump forward to this modern day tale featuring Goldilocks (now sexy and sassy, of course), and introducing her very thoughtful and über sexy boyfriend, Goldie-Beard.

After dating for some time, Goldie-Beard and Goldilocks wanted to take their
relationship to that next, more intimate level. Knowing that they weren't wanting a family just yet, they both agreed that condoms were a must.

Now Goldie-Beard was fairly new to condoms, and was too shy to go ask a pharmacist about them. So, he took a trip to Lucky Bloke to survey their unbelievably amazing assortment of international condoms. Now, while perusing their hip and fun interface, he started to get excited. (C'mon, who wouldn't?!)

He realized straightaway that the first thing he needed to do was choose the size condom he was looking for: (S)mall, (M)edium, or (L)arge?

At first, Goldie-Beard wanted to buy large condoms. After all, bigger is better, isn’t
it? He wanted Goldilocks to be impressed with his size, and was sure that needing large condoms would be the way to go.

But then he thought, she’s not going to be looking at the size written on the condom wrapper, she’s going to be looking at the actual condom on him. If he chooses a size too big for him, it would actually make his penis look smaller. Yikes! Plus, if the condom is too big, it could easily just slip off, and then it wouldn't be doing its job.

Then Goldie-Beard thought he’d go the opposite route. He’d buy snugger condoms, and then his penis would look like it’s about to burst out of the condom, because it’s so big! That’s a great idea, right?

Goldie-Beard got to thinking of the reality of wearing a condom that was too small for him. How would he get it on? Would it break? Would he be able to maintain know? Would it be too uncomfortable? Goldie-Beard realized that if he’s uncomfortable or worrying that the condom might break, he isn't going to get a lot of pleasure out of sex, and that would totally defeat the purpose.

Finally, Goldie-Beard decided that he would buy medium condoms, and started
browsing through the selection. He couldn't believe how many options there were at to choose from!

As he was looking through the site, Goldilocks entered the room.

“Hey, hun, whatcha doin’?” she asked.

“Looking at condoms for us,” he replied.

“Oh, great!  Is that I love that site! They have the best selection of premium condoms from around the world, and you don’t have to go through buying a big box of condoms at the store! My best friend, Marjorie, did that once...and her ex-boyfriend got in line behind her. Awkward!”

“So, which ones are you looking at?” Goldilocks asked him.

“Well, I actually just started looking through the condoms that are available in my size.”

“Oh cool. Do you already know what size you are?” Goldilocks asked.

That is when Goldie-Beard realized he didn’t know. He was just guessing his size based on what he thought of himself. What if the size he picked didn’t actually fit him? 

Goldilocks saw that he looked confused. “Oh, that’s no problem. We can double-check. Click HERE! See, Lucky Bloke has a fun and clever way for you to find out the size condom you will need!"

"It’s based on how long your penis is when erect, but also (more importantly) what your girth is. We’ll want to find ones that are just a little bit longer than you are, so there’s space in the end for when you come,” Goldilocks said.

“How do you know about all of this?” Goldie-Beard asked.

“I’ve been so excited about going to the next level with you, I’ve been on almost every day for the past couple of weeks. You would not believe how many great options they have!” Goldilocks laughed.

“Well, all right, then!” Goldie-Beard laughed with her. The two of them checked the size condoms they would need and spent the afternoon browsing through  (If you're curious, they opted for the Ultimate Condom Sampler! With plenty of variety, they were sure to find the condom just right...for them!)

Once they made their selection, they placed their order, and were thrilled to see that they only had to pay $2.50 no matter where they lived. (Japan, Canada, the US? All shipping was merely $2.50! Amazing!) They could even get a monthly condom subscription to make certain they were never without condoms when they wanted one!

Just a few days later, their condoms arrived in a very discreet package...

And they played and explored...Happily ever after...

All humor aside, do you know what condom size you really need? Did you know it’s not just based on penis length? Often girth is the most important factor in selecting the proper size! And it's important to note, that the size condom you need can vary between brands! Just like you can wear a size 8 in one shoe and a size 9 in another, your condom size needs could vary.  Once you have the right size condom you will maximize both safety and pleasure!

If you need some free assistance contact us! Lucky Bloke offers a free (no purchase required) Condom Concierge Service via email getlucky(at)luckybloke(dot)com! Our Condom Concierge offers comprehensive, friendly support regarding proper condom sizing, as well as sharing comparative information regarding product specifications and attributes.

Lucky Bloke extends a huge thank you to our friend in adventure and safety (and guest writer) Leigh Anne Sanders. Leigh Anne is a Lucky Bloke Brand Ambassador, Psychology Major, and all-around sexy lady. ;)