Photo: frankie cordoba on Unsplash
If he's acting like this, he's not going to change.
By Lorna Poole — Written on Mar 03, 2020
Most women take it as a given that it's important to actually like the guy you're dating, otherwise it's sure to be a long road stuck in a toxic relationship.
But what about when you keep falling for men who are no good for you?
I'm talking about those men who give you nothing but problems. The men who tell you they want you, who tell you that they're going to marry you, live with you, stay with you, have their family with you — and then don’t. The guys who never call you but who you like so much that you hang around anyway, desperately wanting it to all work out.
Should you settle for a relationship with a man who treats you this way, or should you break up with your jerk boyfriend and move on?
Dating a guy just because you like him is futile, and here's why: He will always treat you as unimportant.
If you don’t set a mental agenda with clear boundaries around how you want a man to treat you, care for you, and love you, you'll be stuck trying to fit into his idea of what suits him.
You’ll give all you've got and expect the same in return, but if the person you're with isn't ready or doesn't truly love you, you’ll never get what you truly want from the relationship. You won’t have a man who's going to step up, claim you as his, and act like the boyfriend you deserve because he will not make you a priority in his life.
If you need further convincing, here are 4 signs you should break up with your boyfriend and move on so you can find real love.
1. You feel lonelier in the relationship than if you were alone.
When you stay with someone who cannot or will not give you what you need, you become dependent, insecure, and needy. The needier you are of him, the lonelier you will feel when you’re not with him, making it harder for you to break free.
Your boyfriend becomes the drug you're dependent on, and there’s no lonelier feeling than that!
2. You settle for crumbs of his affection.
When he treats you badly by not calling you, not making any effort, and not clearly establishing the status of your relationship, it makes you feel bad about yourself.
When you feel bad about yourself, you'll always settle for being a person's second-best — always the bridesmaid, never the bride.
3. You know staying won’t make you feel good long-term.
You’ve invested a lot of time in a relationship that never gives you what you need: He never committed, you never moved in together, and you’ve never met his family and friends.
There’s no marriage and no kids, and you're mad at yourself for allowing life to pass you by.
4. You’re not leaving room in your life for the right guy to show up.
Most importantly, when you focus all your energy on a guy who's the opposite of what you say you want and continue to date him, you’re not creating the mental, physical, and emotional space for the guy you do want to enter your life to give you that dream.
The guy who makes you feel beautiful, wanted, loved, and cared for. The guy who wants to claim you as his, the guy who wants you to move in with him, the guy who wants to marry you.
That's what you want — but he can’t possibly enter your life when your actions don’t match your words.
If you truly want love in your life, you must make what you truly want (including love) your top priority.
Enough with the problem men! They're exhausting, they don’t make you feel good, and they don’t give you what you want.
You want a gorgeous guy to dote on you because he wants to — because he wants a relationship with you and he's as crazy about you as you are about him.
When you're congruent with who you are deep inside, what you want in life will show up because the universe always gives you what you ask for.
So please, give your attention to what you want. Lose the guy you don’t want if your only reason for liking him is the fact that you can’t let go of the emotion.
More for You:
Lorna Poole is a dating coach who helps smart, successful women get results and find love.