More than Flowers: Mother's Day Reality

Frustrated Mom

Mother's day is different for everyone, and the mother-daughter relationship can be sticky

What in the world is more complicated than the mother-daughter relationship? I am one of those 50 year olds with “issues” dealing with both my mother and daughter.

On Facebook, a friend wrote, “I LOVE MY MOM!!!” and others are writing all these beautiful heart-felt notes about their mothers. When I get my mother’s day card, it takes a long time, because I simply can not send her a mushy-gushy you are the best mom kind of card. I have to find one that just says, “Have a Nice Mother’s Day.”

The relationship was a struggle, as she was a teenage mom and didn’t have the skills necessary to be a parent at such a young age. I was a wild 70’s teenager and left home at age 17. What can I tell you, it never was, and will never be, an easy relationship.

For years, I was afraid that my daughter would treat me the way I treated my mother. Fortunately, she does not. We have a very different relationship. I have learned to let her have her own life, give advice cautiously and mostly when requested, and to respect who she is, even though her life is not one of MY design. I am her cheerleader. I am her unconditional love place, where she is safe, no matter what. We are very different; in fact, we are exact opposites on the Astrology charts. My mantra with her is, “this too shall pass” and it always does.

Last night, I was thinking about my mother and discussing some recent health issues, my husband said, “You ARE a good daughter.” That is not true, as I objectively analyze it, I realize I am an adequate daughter, and frankly, that has to be good enough for me. My relationship with my mother is very tense, and yes, I love her, but I’m certainly far away from being a raving fan of hers. And honestly, she would say the same about me.

So, what can I really say about mother’s day? Yes, it’s a hallmark card holiday, in other words, a made-up consumerism kind of day. Yet, I love the idea that at least once a year, we Mom’s are appreciated and honored. I think about all those divorced or single moms out there struggling to give their children a good life, and I am moved to tears thinking about those struggling to feed/house/care for their children. I know my own mother had to deal with that too.

So to all you moms out there, struggling just to get by, and to those PTA-stay-at-home moms and to those working moms and those military moms and those moms who have lost their children, we salute you with gratitude, respect, and appreciation.

Lori S. Rubenstein, JD, PCC spent 18 years as a divorce attorney-mediator, however, her passion for helping others led her down the path of divorce, relationship and forgiveness coaching. She is the author of three transformational books and has a special gift of holding sacred space for people to transcend their “stories” and step into a new, more empowering life. Contact Lori now to set up a 15 minute consultation to learn how you can start to mend your own relationship hurts