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You could have a great guy but you're driving him away.
By Lori Peters — Last updated on Feb 10, 2023
You try and try, yet you can’t keep a guy. Sorry about the rhyme but I couldn’t resist.
It’s so frustrating, isn’t it? This is a situation many ponder but don’t know how to remedy.
Let’s see what we can do to push you forward, get you thinking about what needs to be done to attract (and keep) the right partner, and work on rectifying this nightmare once and for all.
Here are seven harsh reasons you drive great men away:
1. You don't find yourself delightful
We can debate this all day but if you did, the men would be there.
One thing I’ve learned from watching successful couples over the year and reflecting upon my own former disastrous experiences is that if you don’t truly enjoy who you are, the right guy does not show up.
I always wondered why some women, who I may not consider very attractive, get great guys. The answer is simple — they feel good about themselves. Whether they were born with high self-esteem, people told them they were good, or they figured it out themselves, they accomplished a huge feat.
They like who they are. And they reap the benefits of that self-love because all kinds of good things happen in their lives. Self-esteem is everything and if you don’t have it, you need to get it.
You’ll have to go within yourself to capture this pot of gold. How you do that is up to you. Perhaps counseling, helpful reading materials, self-exploration or all three are in order.
Either way, once you take the time to deal with it, you can begin to thrive in the relationship department.
2. You put up with garbage men
You know you can get a guy, but what kind of guy is the right guy? Deep down, you know the answer but sometimes, we put up with garbage because we think we deserve it or we block out the right one in the name of love or we just don't want to be lonely at the moment.
Get rid of these men in your life! You’re wasting your time and so are they. I know that’s easier said than done but maybe you’re reading this at just the right time to do something about it.
Do things you love that uplift you instead of spending time with Mr. Never Going To Happen.
3. Your self-talk is disturbing
What do you say to yourself all day long? Pay attention to how you treat yourself inside your head.
Often we are calling ourselves names like "dummy" and "stupid" and say negative stuff like "I can’t believe you did that, you idiot."
Even though you only hear yourself, these thoughts come through you and show to the outside world as a sad, bad, or negative attitude. No great guy wants any part of that.
Catch your internal dialogue and back off. Lighten up and replace this unhelpful talk with some forgiveness and kinder words. Remember, you’re human and you’re not capable of being perfect — nobody is.
4. Your tribe gets in the way
You have friends and that’s great. It would be good if you decided whether these people are helping or hindering your romantic life. Think about the following questions:
- Do you focus on your tribe to avoid dealing with relationships?
- Does your tribe encourage you to find a partner that’s best for you?
- Do these people lift you up or bring you down?
On some level, your friends represent you. After all, you get to choose them, unlike family.
Allow people into your life who think you’re terrific, love you, and have your best interests at heart. Maybe they’ll even help you find your beloved.
5. You’re closed off
You may or may not know this but you are pushing the right guy away because of some past bad experience. You were hurt, in a deep way. He had issues, he paid no attention, he didn’t care, he slept with someone else. All life lessons that can blow us back so far, we just shut down.
It’s OK to take some time and regroup. As a matter of fact, it’s good for you. But when you hide away for too long, it’s harder to come back.
Take a deep breath and get out there and try again.
Sure you could get hurt, but you’ll be OK. He’ll be worth it.
6. You aren't paying attention
You’re just fluttering through life a butterfly floating in the wind. That actually doesn’t sound too bad.
However, are you conscious of what’s happening to you and around you? Might there be a great person who wants to be your love and you don’t give him the time of day, or you put him directly into the friend zone?
Take a second and step back. Maybe this guy is sweet, and kind and lives to make you happy. If you even think you could remotely be attracted to him, this is a guy you need to explore.
7. You’re too busy
We’re all so busy, aren’t we? Being busy is apparently a badge of honor. Please, it’s so overrated.
I know you have goals and responsibilities but you must give yourself downtime.
Your brain needs time to rest. Of course, you’re busy, but is finishing your 30th project of the week worth missing out on Mr. Right?
Is this your time to stop pushing great men away and allow a beautiful relationship to manifest? As always, that’s up to you. But imagine a beautiful life with a person that thinks you make the world go around.
Most people want that, and you do too. You just need to realize that you actually deserve it.
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Lori Peters is a dating coach, radio show host, writer, and speaker on happiness and well-being. Her passion is to help others create more happiness in their loving relationships.