10 Lessons I Learned From My Divorce

10 Lessons I Learned From My Divorce [EXPERT]
Love, Heartbreak

Don't let your divorce hold you back. Learn from it, and continue to thrive.

9. Focusing and paying attention to the other person really matters. Looking back, once I could admit it to myself, I realized I had been laser-focused on having children before it was too late. I felt the way I imagine a dog in heat feels. Not that I pounced on every man I met in my twenties; I was more selective than that. I'd say it was more like every other man, and occasionally every third man.

Lucky for me, my husband was in the same boat. Well, not exactly — he had no paternal instincts in mind, but he later admitted to having been laser-focused on getting away from his girlfriend's family problems. I conveniently provided the one-way ticket out for him and then, over time, we each focused more on our own thoughts than on the other's. It's a beautiful thing to focus on each other's thoughts; it imparts good-will and it takes us out of our own myopic world. Can molecules focus?

10. Understand the illusory nature of reality. They called it "separate realities" in my post-graduate training. It's as though we all live in a separate thought bubble. Simple enough, but what a difference it makes to know that; to really know that. When you see what this means at a deep enough level, you'll see that it's silly to get angry with your partner who is simply thinking their personal thoughts, which are different from your thoughts.

It doesn't make sense to fault someone for their perspective because it happens innocently. They behave according to their thoughts/feelings — we all do that, whether we know it or not. Can you see that without fully understanding separate realities? It's as though we’ve been looking through the wrong end of the telescope.

This is the end that makes us think life happens outside of us and we simply take it in; when in fact, the reverse is true. We create our life in every moment through the thoughts that are on our mind at the time to which we are conscious of. We're all cut from the same cloth, but we all express life force energy in a myriad of ways, perhaps in as many ways as there are molecules in the universe.