A committed relationship comes with more than a few perks, including someone to snuggle with at night, communication that does not require words, a body that you know so well, freedom from those awkward "safe sex" talks and the stress of dating . How do you enjoy all these goodies while keeping the passion and spark that brought you both together in the first place? Why does it seem harder to ignite the fire the longer you have been together ? One of the things that makes sex with a new partner so gratifying is that you do not know them, and do not know yourself with them. You are open to the field of possibilities. You feel more present, awake and appreciative. These feelings are very enlivening, exciting and sexy. Yet, you can kill all that off when you develop a "fixed" way of being. You put yourself and your partner in boxes and tape them up tight with big labels that read, "Does not like morning sex; Uncomfortable with dirty talk ; Takes forever; Comes too quickly." Then you gather evidence to support the story as "true," which is easy because we always get more of what we are focused on. Then, your ego is attached to being "right." Even when none of the evidence supports your deeper heart desire, to be passionately connected to your beloved. /node/139720 Although we do have legitimate preferences and boundaries, much of what we believe sabotages the ecstasy we crave. The freedom to reinvent ourselves is one of the reasons that a new partner seems so enticing. The good news is that identifying and rewriting the story you have with your partner can create expansion inside the beautiful relationship you already have. 1. Make a thorough list of the sexual ideas you have about your partner and yourself. Then, ask yourself if those stories serve you, if you can absolutely know them to be true and how you act when you believe them.It only takes one person to shift the dynamic in a relationship. Share your list with your partner. This can be very powerful for your relationship. It takes courage to be authentic and honest with one another. Remember to have a sense of humor. /node/142314 More relationship advice from YourTango: /node/41405 /node/47210 /node/50635 2. Share a vision for the kind of passionate lover you both desire. Always state it in the present tense. Your declaration can sound like, "I am a goddess who radiates sensuality and love . I open to deeper levels of orgasmic pleasure everyday." Listen carefully to the vision your lover has for themselves. Keep bringing yourselves back to the new story you are writing together. 3. Write a story together about who you both are becoming as a sexually awake and vibrant couple. When the old stories come back, gently bring yourselves back to the new story. Remind yourselves that nothing is fixed. Everything and everyone is constantly changing. This is the beautiful dynamic of life, sex and passion. /node/143756 For personal coaching, Sacred Sexuality programs, or Lisa's home study guide, "Getting Started with Tantra," please visit her at www.AwakeningShakti.com . Thank you, Byron Katie http://www.thework.com
![3 Steps To Spice Up Your Long-Term Relationship [EXPERT]](https://www.yourtango.com/sites/default/files/image_blog/passion_0.jpg "3 Steps To Spice Up Your Long-Term Relationship [EXPERT]")