You Get What You Settle For


My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost nine months. We really care about each other.

Dear Lisa,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost nine months.  We really care about each other.   Last month we took our first vacation together and he actually finally said, the big words, “I love you.”

Last week while he was getting gas and I was waiting in the car, his cell phone beeped for a text.  He was waiting for a text from work that was important so I reached for the phone to look.  It was from someone named Amber and said, “Can’t wait to see you later tonight.”   I froze.  I didn’t say anything to him, but sure enough when we were at dinner, he told me he was getting together with the guys later that evening and cut our date shorter than usual. 

I panicked and did something I’m not proud of.  When I was at his place the following weekend, I waited until he was asleep and went through his email.  I’m guessing you can imagine what I found.  He’s been seeing Amber for at least three months.

I don’t know what to do.  I can’t bring myself to talk to him about this.  I really want to save this relationship. 

What do I do??  Please help.


Sad in Sacramento

Dear Sad,

It sounds to me like you’re ashamed you read and went through your boyfriends private communication.  Maybe you should be.  Maybe not.  I don’t know.  Here’s what I do know from personal experience.  If a relationship has gotten to the point where someone is going through someone else’s email or texts behind their back, nothing good ever comes from that.   Somewhere along the line trust has been broken or truths have been stretched.  People rarely snoop for no good reason at all.   Statistics show the vast majority of time someone is suspicious of infidelity, they are correct, whether they can prove it or not. 

So, here’s what you do.  Break up with this guy.  Do it now.  Tell him why or don’t tell him why.  It doesn’t matter.  But cut loose and run.  You’re not married to this man.  Presumably, you don’t share children or property.   You’ve been together nine months.  It might feel like a long time, but in a lifetime it’s a few short pages in your story.   If you cut your losses now, you’ll have less to lose then when things fall apart six weeks, six months, or even worse, six years from now.

In relationships, you will always get nothing more than what you settle for.
Don’t settle for this.   You deserve to be treated better.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.